Fight or Flight

After the positivity of my last post the last week or so has been a real struggle! I have been totally distracted by things going on in life out with home school and have to admit that my mind simply isn't on the job! With a child like S this isn't a recipe for success! He needs direction, structure and routine. If I am not on the ball then he makes the most of that and disappears off quite happy to be escaping any sort of formal work. My resilience is very low just now to deal with any lack of co-operation and instead of fight my flight instinct is well and truly in operation just now. My house badly needs some attention, I have a list of chore building up and I have lost any motivation just now. Not so positive then!

I've decided therefore to chuck out the lesson plans for the remainder of the term and radically rethink what we will do. We are potentially going to adopt a tortoise so I'm thinking a wee project on tortoises could be in order. I think we might do 4 wee mini projects for the remainder of the term. It doesn't really sit right with me not to neatly finish off the workbooks that we could do but something needs to happen to kick start us both into action.

So - not a very inspiring blog today but this is the nitty gritty of home ed, in the midst of a busy family life. We are both longing for the holidays and a wee break and by the end of the summer I'm really hopeful that some of the distractions in my head might be a thing of the past and my fight instinct will be back!

Getting goosebumps!

Today was a such a fab day! Well, when I talk about day I'm really talking about a very special 10 minutes!

Our morning was very normal getting through our normal tasks of mental maths, spelling, reading and grammar work. S also then attempted a maths assessment which I guessed he would do badly at! I knew fine well he wouldn't bother trying to work out any of the questions properly and indeed that's what happened. I told him this at the end and he'll be repeating it again properly on Monday! Tough love hasn't given up yet ;)

Our reading book just now is one of the Oxford Reading Tree books, "The Will of the People" and is set in Ancient Greece in 454BC so has introduced the whole topic of Greek Myths and Legends. I had to study this when I was 12 when part of our curriculum was to learn Greek (quite incredible to think that now!) and actually really enjoyed it. To start off looking further into it I got a DVD on Odysseus which introduces some of the more famous stories in cartoon form.

So, this afternoon we started to watch. We have in other work been looking at the old and new covenants in the Bible and looking at the tabernacle and the temple so I was a little concerned introducing gods and goddesses would have confused S. As we watched I gave small commentaries to help S to follow who was who. After a couple of the mini stories S asked to pause the DVD so that he could speak to me. So I did. Then completely out of the blue S asked me, "What happened to all the people who died before Jesus died on the cross?" This was then followed by a conversation including questions from him such as, "Why did God make us so that we could sin?", "Why did God not just stop us from sinning?", "Why did God not just kill us?", "So, if Adam and Eve hadn't sinned then would we not have pain?", "Why do we die?" and then some more... What a conversation! It was amazing! What makes it even more amazing is the fact that for the last few weeks I have been asking some of these very questions myself! I have been a Christian for about 25 years, I have studied theology at uni and read many many books but some of these questions I have never found answers for and recently they have come back to really intrigue me! Various life experiences recently have led me to really want to delve deeper into my faith and try to understand the God I love more. For some, I think they think I'm never going to find answers and that to ask some of these questions is futile and that I should be satisfied to accept I will never find answers but I just can't do that! Of course there are some questions I will never know answers to such as, "when will Jesus return" or "what will I be doing in heaven?" But I really do think that we have been given minds that can grasp some of the other questions if we are willing to look.

So, I've been reading lots, listening to podcasts, discussing with friends and compiling a list of more questions as they come up! I've been really enjoying a book by Norman Geisler called, "If God, Why Evil?". It has been fantastic and has totally scratched where I itch! It has answered so many of my questions and has made me think. Then today S's questions came! If he had asked me these questions even one week ago I would have been stumped and would have had to say, "I don't know" over and over again! Please don't get me wrong, I don't at all think its wrong to say I don't know to any questions a child asks and I don't for one minute think I have worked everything out! My understanding of these things is totally in its infancy but it was so so exciting to share with S that I had been asking these very same questions and to explain some of the answers. So we chatted about free will and what that means and how we are free to love but free to reject God too. We discussed a Father's love for his children and how that works out in allowing us freedom. We discussed original sin and whether or not we would have done the same. We discussed so much even to the level of would there be electricity in heaven so that we wouldn't have to charge the tablet to keep playing minecraft!!! (That was a reminder it was a child I was discussing with!!!) what a chat! For me it immediately gave me the assurance that I hadn't been wasting my time looking at all these questions! For a child on the autistic spectrum it was more than amazing. Here we were speaking about things unseen and his eye contact was amazing! When we talked about meeting God for the first time he gave the smile he gives only when he is genuinely excited and happy about something. That's when we talked about goosebumps! Admittedly explaining goosebumps to somebody with sensory perception disorder is maybe not ideal - he maybe thinks that's torture!!! But I have goosebumps even thinking about our chat. To see the penny drop when learning about a maths concept or an English concept is one thing but to share the moment when spiritual eyes are opened with my child is just amazing! What a gift!

So, a long post but for me a very special post and one I wanted to share. Next week might be grim and moments like this don't come along everyday so I thought it was worth recording and sharing.

Tough Love

This week may well have been a watershed for us. Let me explain. Alongside Aspergers S has elements of something known in shorthand as "PDA". This is Pathological Demand Avoidance and explained very crudely means that S has a strong reaction to any demand at all being placed on him. In reality it's like having a child stuck at the three year old temper tantrum stage where if the child doesn't want to do something he certainly makes that very plain for all to see and hear about. With S this is mixed up with his Aspergers and then on top of that is the fact that he is a 9 year old boy with firm ideas in his head! With PDA you quickly realise how many demands can be made in any one day. From getting dressed, to keeping hygienic at the very basic level all the way through the day to brushing teeth at the end of the day and going to bed. You can imagine therefore the fun and games that persist when it comes to home school time. I've had enough! To have a constant running battle with the child you love is very exhausting. I love my son dearly and to be constantly battled with is soul destroying. Often after a morning of moans and groans (and that is putting it politely!) I'm often ready for a dark room. S forgets all about it immediately. That is a gift in itself! Yesterday, as usual the time came for home school. We rarely start first thing. I always need a little time to sort things out after the chaos of getting the other 3 kids out to school and know fine well that to start S straight away without any time on his own would be counter productive. So, we started just after 10 with mental maths as usual. You would think I was asking S to do 300 sums in 2 minutes! We struggled through that and then moved onto spelling. That's when I really had had enough! The moaning wasn't anything out of the ordinary but the dripping tap effect was grating on my nerves so much!! I've felt so challenged about how I come across to my children in the house. As a Christian family we feel its important to love each other just as much inside the house as we would want to love other people outside of the house. In the house with moaning and whining children can be one of the first places to lose the rag and forget all about love, patience, peace, kindness, gentleness or self control! I am trying hard! I certainly am a work in progress and teaching S day by day certainly keeps my feet firmly on the ground - if not feeling stuck in the mud!! With all this in mind I explained to S that I could feel myself getting very angry and frustrated and that I didn't want to shout as that did neither him nor I any good. I told him that he would now have to complete the task on his own as I was not willing to sit and work with him whilst his attitude was so negative. (I did know that this task was straight forward!) This task should have taken him 5 minutes, 10 at the most. An hour later he finished! It honestly was like pulling teeth!! He was not a happy chap! It was murder to listen to and several times I could have stepped in and helped him. But you know what? He finished it all by himself! I was amazed! The rest of the day went well. We worked through our other tasks quickly and without problems (which to be fair normally does happen once he gets the moaning out of his system). I did wonder whether yesterday would have made a difference at all. We can go through huge dramas one day that he forgets and have to repeat all over again the next. Well what a shock I got today. When I said it was time for home school he came, sat down and completed his mental maths with not one word of complaint. He then worked through his spelling and his maths workbook without moaning! He even pointed out to me that he has noticed that if he doesn't moan he gets through the work faster! I kid you not that is the first day in 19.5 months of home school that he hasn't moaned! It was bliss!! I'm not naive enough to think that he will never moan again and this tough love is going to be here to stay otherwise home school will have to end. But if today is the start of something new I would not only be so happy but so so so relieved!

Sensory awareness

Last night I went to a seminar on sensory awareness and how it affects people on the autistic spectrum. Ironically one of my memories of the night will be the constant whirring of the projector and the stark lighting highlighting to me my own sensory issues! It was a good night (if long - from 5:00-9:30 at night!) and once again helped me to understand S so much more as he perfectly fit into most of the classic categories for sensory perception difficulties. It was suggested we imagined sitting in a room on a broken stool, at a wobbly table, with the radio untuned on in the background with shoes on that are a size too small wearing a scratchy shirt whilst having the after taste of sardines mixed with coffee in our mouths. That, it was suggested is the bombardment on the senses it can be akin to when you are on the spectrum. Whilst folks not on the spectrum can intuitively block out senses people with ASD struggle to do this. Eye contact can be physically painful as can be slight touch or sounds. The same day however can result in a need for deep touch which only hours earlier could have tipped the balance. It really was interesting but also reassuring that we are doing the right things with S. The biggest thing I will take from the evening is that if I can help it at all there is no way S will be returning to school! Circumstances may change for us at some point and finances don't flow but really having heard most of the sensory challenges that face a child on the spectrum an overwhelming number of them were school related! It was such a relief to hear of all the things we have eliminated for S in an already tricky world! It's given me the encouragement I needed at a good time to persevere and to plod on! On that note we are having a bit of an impromptu inservice day. I need to get planning ahead as the day to day approach is not really working and leads to too much "dead" time.

We've got that Friday feeling!

We really both have that Friday feeling!! The sun is out (well, intermittently anyway) and the weekend is fast approaching and motivation has disappeared! Days like this in home ed are still a bit of a dilemma to me. The trained teacher in me wants to persevere with my plan, complete the week "properly" and not give in to the strong desire to down tools and go do something else. The mummy in me however is seeing a tired boy and a tired mummy paying lip service to education today and thinking that rather than sitting at the desk in body only we should call it a day and head out. In fact, just writing this I think we might just do that! We have had a productive week. We have completed our second full maths workbook of th academic year. For me, this gives me a huge sense of achievement as S's teacher. When he started home ed I ad to backtrack on where the school had said he was. We have now more than caught up I think and are ready to start p6 work almost a full term early :) Englsh is not so secure but working with a child with specific language difficulties presents daily challenges and my aim is to instil in S a love of stories (not reading necessarily but just enjoying losing himself in a different world!) and also an ability to use writing to get through life! We will struggle on with spelling and grammar! In topic our Earthwormery has produced another wee worm so S now keeps an eye on the worm wry, watering and feeding which is good for him to have a bi of responsibility. We started looking at "computers" learning what a CPU is and what RAM is and when the first computer was invented. I am completely out of my depth here!!! We did move on to learn how to format a document with a picture in it so that was fun. Other than at we have continued with our bible study on Abraham and looked at the concept of "covenant" this week which was good and we had really interesting conversations around that and following God's promises through the Old Testament and seeing them being fulfilled. We have also started to write a story about superheroes that we will write together. I have made up a superhero and S has made up two. Together we will write about their adventures and eventually make a wee movie or comic! Finally, yesterday we wen on a great 5 mile walk with friends. We are pulling back a wee bit on home ed network activities as S is struggling with them but will keep on meeting with our friends and we had a great day yesterday at Dumfries House. S was shattered at the end. So, actually, we've done quite a lot this week so I think we can with a clear conscience head to the shops :)

Simple Solutions

So term is underway! S has kicked the term off in predictable fashion of complete lack of co-operation which challenges my new found optimism no end but so far he's not destroyed that! Really he needs to read the blog and keep up with my thinking! Lol! If only it were that simple. Anyway, after a very gentle ease in baking yesterday and planning the term we properly got back into the maths, English and more formal learning today. Overall it was. Good day. He wasn't co-operative and was very grumpy with himself at any mistakes he made but by the end of our morning we had achieved quite a lot. We nearly had a meltdown during maths at something very simple. Before Christmas we learnt about net shapes and made up several 3d shapes using their nets made out of paper. Knowing that the topic would come back I kept our shapes and they have been gathering dust nicely up on our home school shelves. (Completely ignored for the duration by S may I add). Well today our task was to identify the base of open cube nets. So, I opened up our cube and cut the net into the 6 squares so that we could form the 8 different nets needed. Well you would have thought I was cutting up one of his favourite toys! He was gutted! This is one of those moments where I find it really difficult to not lose my patience! Apparently autistic children often think inanimate objects have feelings. Perhaps that is what was going on. Who knows but another reminder of how something simple can transform the day! A better experience was during our English time when we looked at our Abraham workbook. This involves flicking back and forwards in the book a lot which is not great for S to keep up with. I downloaded the version of the Bible onto the iPad and what a difference! The version I found is great and if you touch the verse you are looking at it highlights it. Perfect for S and even he admitted what a difference the Bible app made to his enjoyment of studying Abraham. So, a simple solution to one problem anyway.

Philosophy and worms!

I would hazard a guess that most folks won't generally warm to a blog with this title! In fact, no doubt lots of people won't read any further but believe it or not I'm very excited about the fact that we've got worms! Last term we set up an earthwormery. S really enjoyed the process of ordering the eggs himself, filling in all the forms online and waiting for them to come. To me to be totally honest I was more excited at using up the earthwormery I'd ordered ages ago and clearing out another space in the house! S has started a wee diary of the earthwormery and dutifully filled it all in. That must have been about 6 weeks ago. I was convinced we'd killed them all off!! As the eggs gathered foost and the signs of life inside the eggs seemed to die off I was trying to work out some way of telling S it was all over! Children with Asperger's don't cope well with throwing things away or things dying or breaking (well S certainly doesn't) and this seemingly great idea was looking like going completely pear shaped! However, last night to much excitement S's dad announced that we had a worm! This worm to me is significant! Last term was a struggle. I didn't enjoy home school! My heart was not in it and it seemed a long term! It's amazing how quickly a bitterness can build up and it's not very easy to contain that! The seeming death of our earthwormery reflected to me how I felt about things. The temptation to throw it out and be done with it was strong! Yet we have a worm! The Easter holidays have been a very significant time for me to reflect, read, pray and reassess life! That might sound all a bit philosophical and it is! With all sorts going on in our family life to do with health, career, house, future, everything really it would have been hard not to get quite philosophical! I can thankfully say this time for me has been so valuable and turned around what was a growing bitterness into a hopeful (much humbled) new start! Does that make sense? This little worm to me signifies a new start for us in home school. What looked dead and hopeless has suddenly had a new chance! Term officially started today. A very kind friend (S's leader at church) offered to take S for the day which was so kind! Tomorrow we will begin "work" properly with a new attitude (well from mum anyway!) Carrying on the philosophical thread... Recently I have been aware how much of a learning curve life is for S's siblings. More and more they are beginning to notice things that S just cannot cope with and are learning where their input can either help or hinder. S's brother came into the kitchen the other day and asked if there was one thing I could ask for in the world what would it be. I replied that I'd like Jesus to return. He replied, "Mum, would you not like S not to have Aspergers anymore?". Gosh! Do you know if someone had asked me that 18 months ago I would have said, "Yes!" no question. If someone had asked if I'd have liked S to be born without all the difficulties he has had I woul have said yes no problem. Just now if someone offered to take away all the tricky bits of life there is a huge temptation to say yes. But do you know, I realised when I answered my son that things have changed a lot. I told him that no I didn't wish for S not to have Aspergers as that is who S is. I said that really what we should ask to change is us! We need to learn to love S more and more for who he is and accept him. God has given S to our family because we are the ones to love him the most. I've reflected over my son's question so much since he asked it. It's made me realise how selfish we as humans can be. I'm not for one minute accusing my son of that! He is a child, naturally making sense of a pretty massive issue in our family life. As adults though it's made me think how much we want to change things to fit into our own mould of how things should be. I think that is quite possibly the route of my bitterness last term. S doesn't like being out and about in unknown situations. Noise bothers him. People asking him lots of questions bothers him. Making sense of situations bothers him. I no doubt bother him. That all bothers me! Instead of wanting to change him my job as a mum is to love him more and more each day. I've got a God who loves me so much despite all the things I constantly do which no doubt upset and hurt Him! Phew, this is getting a bit deep! I promise my blog entries will return to some sort of mundane educational lesson descriptions! I should go now actually and plan the next few days/weeks. All this optimism and new attitude could come crashing down if I am not one step ahead of my boy!