Another wee reality check!

The end of term is racing towards us! I am amazed at how quickly this term has gone passed and am amazed at how much learning we have actually done! This week alone we have tackled "equivalent fractions", "fractions of groups" and introduced decimals. That might sound like pretty mundane stuff but from someone who was told throughout secondary school that I "struggled to grasp the basics" I feel not only a sense of acheivement that S has grasped the topics but that I have been able to teach them! Actually, dare I admit it I am really enjoying teaching maths! For probably the first time in my life I am seeing how much all the topics in maths link together and how much it all makes sense! In the midst of all this though there has definitely been a build up which led to a reality check today. I have become slightly complacent over the past couple of weeks with the new calmness at home and the change of temperature. With S cooperating so much more it has been a bit too easy to drift through the day working. S has actually been doing more work than he was before and has learnt a lot but I have inadvertantly allowed him to take the reins a bit too much in deciding when we do things! I realised this today when he point blank refused to do his independent learning at the time I requested. It was a stark reminder all of a sudden of the attitude that I battled with for a lot of last year and one that I don't want us to slip back into! This has been my fault though and not S's. I had to put my foot down and instead of a more lazy afternoon that we normally have we worked all afternoon! This might sound very control freakish of me but it is so important for S. His behaviour was getting to the silly loopy stage which for S is the start of a spiral when he starts to get himself into a lot of trouble and we reach meltdown! He so much needs to have structure and I have to remember that if given an inch he takes a mile and we were heading down that road. I do think I got him back on track. Tomorrow will be another new experience for S. We are getting together with the other home ed families for "Roald Dahl book day". All the kids are to dress up as characters from Dahl's books and we are selling baking to raise funds for children with brain injuries (I think!). This will all be well and truly out of S's comfort zone. It is in a different hall from normal (although thankfully S knows the hall we are going to very well), the activities will be totally different from what we normally do together, and it's another day out of routine! I think that after tomorrow I need to be careful in the following two weeks to try to return to a fairly "safe" routine and limit the extra things that I've been doing. Whilst I have so much enjoyed getting out and about more and doing other things I need to have a balance!

I wonder who's learning the most?

I am amazed! 4 weeks of our home school term have flown past! It is our long September weekend here and we are racing on towards the October holidays already! This term so far is going really well on the whole. S's bank is working brilliantly! It has been a great incentive for S and so far he has earned more than 90p each week which is far more than I expected he would manage. It has given us both a very visual record of how the week goes. EVERY week he has earned his lowest amount on the Monday and his highest on the Wednesday. It has very clearly shown us how long it takes him to settle into the week and then again how much it flags by Friday! It also though has given S a visual way to see that some behaviours are not acceptable and that at the same time when he really puts his mind to something and works really hard his efforts can literally pay! I think for me the biggest breakthrough so far this term is our new "independent learning"(IL) slot. I really did wonder if this was going to be a step too far to expect him to do this every day when he is only 9 but really functionning at a younger lever. However, he has taken to it straight away! As long as I am careful not to introduce any new concepts to the work and it is all pure revision he is working away well. In fact the other day was amazing. I'd asked him to do 30 mental maths questions instead of 15 as we were going to be busy the following day at "IL" time, He went off and did 255!! He was so motivated and got a score of 251! Now, the control freak part of me was finding this a real test as I'd spent 6 hours the previous two nights planning the month's work! By S doing all of this he had basically used up 2 and a bit weeks of my mental maths planning! But it was a real lesson for me to let him run with it! What harm was he going to do by being excited to do his maths?? It was lovely! He not only did that but then completed the IL work on times tables and spelling! That was an easy extra 2p reward! Another breakthrough for me has been his continued enjoyment in reading. This term I am introducing more formally a time where I read to him. Last term we tried reading "War Horse" together but it was too hard for him. This term we are reading together "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory". It's early days but he is so much enjoying it! Today we came across a couple of idioms, one being "pulling her leg" and had great fun learning what exactly that meant. I thought he would find this book quite boring as we have watched the film endless times as it is one of his sister's favourite films. However, he has memory difficulties and his attention to detail is obviously not great watching the films as it is all as if it is brand new when he hears it read! It is a joy to read to him! We started the term reading a Horrid Henry book which he loved and even got his granny to read the funniest chapter to him for the second time. Alongside this we also have our official "reading books" which he either reads to me or we do paired reading with. This year he is either stopping to ask me to explain things or is finding the humour funny, both of which he has never done before. It is so good! If nothing else, this term I think is beginning to give him a new enjoyment of books which hopefully will be like a seed that I can water for him and we can grow it together! Language work I definitely find more of a challenge! I did get help from our local headteacher a couple of weeks ago as I find it really hard to guage if I am getting anywhere with him. I still am feeling a bit wobbly about that! Basic grammar I'm not so worried about but teaching him how to write stories and comprehension I'm not so sure about!! Having said all that we have had some great discussions on the books we are reading together and on the Solar System. I think I need to really work on my ability to think out of the box! Comprehension is happening in a very informal way throughout all our learning! Steven has very much taken to the concept of "Together Time" as oppose to his IL time and we have had good discussions together - again a new thing this term. In the midst of all this I attended my first seminar on helping autistic children. It was on anger management and was brilliant. For me it was such a good day to take time out and just think about the issues that S is faced with and we are faced with every day! Over the past month I have encountered all sorts of comments and opinions about life with S (which in itself is amazing as I don't actually get out and about very much!!). I am getting quite scunnered with folks constantly telling me that the things S struggles with are just normal struggles for all children - or that my children are just not well behaved. Or, I've been told to get S "back to reality". These comments actually hurt a lot! As a parent of a child on the autistic spectrum I am constantly berating myself for not pre-empting a situation or parenting him "properly". I constantly am in a situation where I can see S really not coping and then losing the plot and blaming myself for not handling it better. I am watching a child who finds the most simple of everyday tasks a munro to climb and for whom even flushing the toilet is a painful sensory experience. I think folks seem to forget I have 3 other children who are "normal" and who I am parenting and I can see quite clearly that S is finding things that bit harder. When the door is closed at the end of the day and we are on our own most of the folks who make the comments have absolutely no idea what daily life is like! We have altered just about everything we do every day because of S, in ways that even we forget now! We opt out of many things because we know of the stress that is involved if we do certain things. However, out of all my moans and groans above we are not parenting for the benefit of others and for a parenting award badge. We are parenting because God has given us 4 precious bundles to look after and to do our best for. S is an entirely different child from this time last year. The stressed child we took from school last October is unrecognisable now. There is a calmness and a contentment about S that is hard to put into words and whilst he might not be experiencing "reality" which parent in their right mind could put him back into a situation that caused him so much stress? The seminar I went to was so good for me to hear just why S finds things so tricky and to hear that it is not my parenting that has gone wrong and not to feel so guilty. It was so good to get positive help and ideas (that's a whole other blog in itself!!) and I am really excited to start implementing them. Maybe I've annoyed people by writing all that is above! Maybe I'm overstepping the mark by making these feelings so public! Maybe I'm overstepping the purpose of this blog. However, I don't think I'm alone in feeling like I do as a parent of a child on the spectrum and I hope that the blog does help folks to understand a wee bit more of what life can hold. Anyway, I'm rambling now so will sign off. So much more to say from the month - lego therapy, friends, ICT, and many more but maybe I'll get more chance another day...

We're Back! Let the term commence...

Believe it or not this is the third time I have started to write this blog entry! I have so much to write I get so carried away and then something interrupts my train of thought and each time I have deleted the whole lot! So, this time I am going to publish the post whatever happens! So, term has begun! I was so apprehensive about term starting! This was the first long holiday S and I had had together from home schooling and I had no idea how it was going to go when we returned. Many home educating families don't stop for the holidays and I can understand why that is but S and I so much needed to have a holiday and it really did both of us so much good! As the beginning of term approached I started to feel really quite nervous and became a bit fragile emotionally. Having had the children off all summer, whilst it really was a fantastic summer, I hadn't had 2 minutes to sit and get my head together about the term ahead. We moved house right at the beginning of the summer and the moving has been so much more work than when we moved into the rental house. The first week back was really just me bluffing to fill time! Of course we did totally valid activities - like writing a report on school holidays and some revision maths and spelling activities but really I was trying to buy time. Mum and dad came to the rescue and offered to take S for 2 nights to give me time to plan. It was fantastic and so much appreciated. I worked so so hard but got my head back into teaching mode and had a good think and got so much sorted for S. It has paid off!! We have had a fantastic first week and a half back to home school! For really the first time since we started not only are we learning a lot but I can honestly say we are both enjoying our time together. I have made some pretty big changes to our routine as if this is going to have a long term future certain things need to be established and I am realising how important it is to begin to teach S already the skills he needs to work independently. So what are our changes: 1. Independent Learning: Each day now begins with independent learning. During the first hour of home schooling S has to complete a mental maths activity, another maths activity and a spelling activity. Nothing will be complicated at this slot and mostly it will be revision. The tasks are written on a small whiteboard I got us and he has to find the right pages and complete the work by 10 o'clock. Whatever time he has once he's finished is his up until 10 o'clock when we start "together time". This morning he chose to start at ten to 9 and was finished by 9! On other days it has taken him longer but the point is that he is doing this all by himself. 2. Together time: This is the main teaching time of the day when I will sit with him and work through the English and Maths for the day which includes reading, handwriting, grammar etc. At times here I will set him tasks and then disappear to let him finish them. This time goes on until lunch time and once English and Maths are finished we move onto topic work. This term we are looking at the Solar System which he is loving already. Today we started making properly a model of the solar system which glows in the dark! 3. S's Bank: This is probably the biggest change for S. For many many reasons I couldn't face going into another term of lack of co-operation. The day before S went to mum and dad's was an incredibly uncooperative day and I didn't cope well at all! I am facing an op in a couple of months which will floor me for a few weeks and am so aware that S needs to start to co-operate and to work with me and not against me for home schooling to work at all this year! So, major changes had to take place! Now we have 3 home school rules above the desk: 1. No moaning at all 2. Try your BEST not your worst or a little bit! 3. No playing until ALL the task cards are finished. Here's the new bit! (which I got from a website!!!) Every day S starts the day with 20p. Every time a rule is broken (so every time he moans or he doesn't bother trying and does scrappy work) he loses 1p. If he does fantastic work then he can earn pennies. At the end of each day whatever money he has earned he banks. At the end of term we will have a treat up to the value of the money he has banked. I reckoned that each term is about £8. I could easily go out for a coffee and spend £8 and so thought it was worth a try. It is AMAZING!! One day he did moan about the money but when I pointed out no-one else I knew earned money by going to school he seemed to accept that and immediately get on with things. The moaning has gone from extreme to almost non-existant virtually overnight! Part of S's diagnosis on the spectrum means that he can be very very controlling. I'm hoping that S's Bank shows him that he can channel this controlling element of his character into a positive and not a negative. So far the lowest he has gone is 15p whereas today he earned 23p by working so hard! I so much hope this works for a long time! He has really enjoyed his learning. Where he does need help is learning to express when he is stuck! His language difficulties are definitely impacting his learning in a much more evident way. His maths is going from strength to strength. Last week we learnt the 7x table. In the car one day afterwards he reeled off quite happily the 8x, 9x, 11x and 12x table that he had worked out himself! His mental arithmetic is much much better than it was this time last year. His reading is really quite good but his understanding is very poor. His grasp of vocabulary is still so sketchy and this is causing him to misunderstand questions in all his subjects. Reading comprehension is a nightmare for him naturally. His lowest "bank" day last week was a reading comprehension day! It is fascinating for me to look at the week and see how clearly the difficult subjects impact on him as a whole. I need to learn too... So, all in all a very very positive start and an exciting start. This term and next hold a lot of challenges for us mainly with me being out of action but the signs are very good and I'm hoping that with the right amount of prep and planning things will go fairly smoothly! So, a long post again, but actually I think that's the main things I needed to say so will publish now before I'm distracted!! More soon...