I wonder who's learning the most?

I am amazed! 4 weeks of our home school term have flown past! It is our long September weekend here and we are racing on towards the October holidays already! This term so far is going really well on the whole. S's bank is working brilliantly! It has been a great incentive for S and so far he has earned more than 90p each week which is far more than I expected he would manage. It has given us both a very visual record of how the week goes. EVERY week he has earned his lowest amount on the Monday and his highest on the Wednesday. It has very clearly shown us how long it takes him to settle into the week and then again how much it flags by Friday! It also though has given S a visual way to see that some behaviours are not acceptable and that at the same time when he really puts his mind to something and works really hard his efforts can literally pay! I think for me the biggest breakthrough so far this term is our new "independent learning"(IL) slot. I really did wonder if this was going to be a step too far to expect him to do this every day when he is only 9 but really functionning at a younger lever. However, he has taken to it straight away! As long as I am careful not to introduce any new concepts to the work and it is all pure revision he is working away well. In fact the other day was amazing. I'd asked him to do 30 mental maths questions instead of 15 as we were going to be busy the following day at "IL" time, He went off and did 255!! He was so motivated and got a score of 251! Now, the control freak part of me was finding this a real test as I'd spent 6 hours the previous two nights planning the month's work! By S doing all of this he had basically used up 2 and a bit weeks of my mental maths planning! But it was a real lesson for me to let him run with it! What harm was he going to do by being excited to do his maths?? It was lovely! He not only did that but then completed the IL work on times tables and spelling! That was an easy extra 2p reward! Another breakthrough for me has been his continued enjoyment in reading. This term I am introducing more formally a time where I read to him. Last term we tried reading "War Horse" together but it was too hard for him. This term we are reading together "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory". It's early days but he is so much enjoying it! Today we came across a couple of idioms, one being "pulling her leg" and had great fun learning what exactly that meant. I thought he would find this book quite boring as we have watched the film endless times as it is one of his sister's favourite films. However, he has memory difficulties and his attention to detail is obviously not great watching the films as it is all as if it is brand new when he hears it read! It is a joy to read to him! We started the term reading a Horrid Henry book which he loved and even got his granny to read the funniest chapter to him for the second time. Alongside this we also have our official "reading books" which he either reads to me or we do paired reading with. This year he is either stopping to ask me to explain things or is finding the humour funny, both of which he has never done before. It is so good! If nothing else, this term I think is beginning to give him a new enjoyment of books which hopefully will be like a seed that I can water for him and we can grow it together! Language work I definitely find more of a challenge! I did get help from our local headteacher a couple of weeks ago as I find it really hard to guage if I am getting anywhere with him. I still am feeling a bit wobbly about that! Basic grammar I'm not so worried about but teaching him how to write stories and comprehension I'm not so sure about!! Having said all that we have had some great discussions on the books we are reading together and on the Solar System. I think I need to really work on my ability to think out of the box! Comprehension is happening in a very informal way throughout all our learning! Steven has very much taken to the concept of "Together Time" as oppose to his IL time and we have had good discussions together - again a new thing this term. In the midst of all this I attended my first seminar on helping autistic children. It was on anger management and was brilliant. For me it was such a good day to take time out and just think about the issues that S is faced with and we are faced with every day! Over the past month I have encountered all sorts of comments and opinions about life with S (which in itself is amazing as I don't actually get out and about very much!!). I am getting quite scunnered with folks constantly telling me that the things S struggles with are just normal struggles for all children - or that my children are just not well behaved. Or, I've been told to get S "back to reality". These comments actually hurt a lot! As a parent of a child on the autistic spectrum I am constantly berating myself for not pre-empting a situation or parenting him "properly". I constantly am in a situation where I can see S really not coping and then losing the plot and blaming myself for not handling it better. I am watching a child who finds the most simple of everyday tasks a munro to climb and for whom even flushing the toilet is a painful sensory experience. I think folks seem to forget I have 3 other children who are "normal" and who I am parenting and I can see quite clearly that S is finding things that bit harder. When the door is closed at the end of the day and we are on our own most of the folks who make the comments have absolutely no idea what daily life is like! We have altered just about everything we do every day because of S, in ways that even we forget now! We opt out of many things because we know of the stress that is involved if we do certain things. However, out of all my moans and groans above we are not parenting for the benefit of others and for a parenting award badge. We are parenting because God has given us 4 precious bundles to look after and to do our best for. S is an entirely different child from this time last year. The stressed child we took from school last October is unrecognisable now. There is a calmness and a contentment about S that is hard to put into words and whilst he might not be experiencing "reality" which parent in their right mind could put him back into a situation that caused him so much stress? The seminar I went to was so good for me to hear just why S finds things so tricky and to hear that it is not my parenting that has gone wrong and not to feel so guilty. It was so good to get positive help and ideas (that's a whole other blog in itself!!) and I am really excited to start implementing them. Maybe I've annoyed people by writing all that is above! Maybe I'm overstepping the mark by making these feelings so public! Maybe I'm overstepping the purpose of this blog. However, I don't think I'm alone in feeling like I do as a parent of a child on the spectrum and I hope that the blog does help folks to understand a wee bit more of what life can hold. Anyway, I'm rambling now so will sign off. So much more to say from the month - lego therapy, friends, ICT, and many more but maybe I'll get more chance another day...