I have held off writing this blog for so long but thought today seemed an appropriate day to come complete circle and close this chapter of the blog. So much to say and my head does not feel particularly clear so forgive me if I digress...
Just over a month ago our family moved. I know that within the course of home schooling, and this blog we moved before and I wrote about balancing home school with a move. This time the move was much bigger. As a family we have just moved region, moved house, moved friends, moved church and moved absolutely everything. Increasingly as we thought about the move, which we all knew was coming many many months before it actually materialised, it was becoming clearer that this was maybe the time for S to return to school. During this academic year his big brother has started to have friends home and to spend time hanging out with his friends and this really bothered S. For the first time he really noticed that he didn't have anybody to hang out with. His nearest home school buddy, whom he loves, lives 45 mins away so not someone we can just spontaneously get together with. The motivation to go back to school seemed to happen really very quickly and so the ball was set in motion.
Having gone through such a long process of 'deschooling' at the beginning (breaking through the stress barrier and working through all the issues that had caused S so much stress) it was quite a thought to phone a council and actually ask if S could go back to school! Knowing that placing 4 children in school could be quite a job I phoned a full 2 months before we moved and spoke/emailed all the various people involved in placing children in schools. I had picked up only negative vibes about our catchment school so rightly or wrongly I requested that the children were placed elsewhere. I would have visited our catchment school but I have previously made the mistake of putting them into a local school without knowing all the facts and vowed to myself I would never be so naive again!
There are lots of wee bits in between but S started school with his siblings one month ago! The school have been fantastic! For the first 3 weeks S went every morning but only some afternoons so as not to overwhelm him having been used to one-to-one and not a school environment. This just increased to full time this week.
S is a completely different child. I know that the folks who have just met us wonder what we are talking about when we describe some of the difficulties S has had. He seems confident, he joins in with things, he is obedient, he is sleeping ok, he is reading (1.5 hours one night!!!) and is clearly quite happy at the moment. It's early days and we have no doubt whatsoever that there will be battles ahead but are so pleased that this early transition has gone so smoothly. From the child we took away from school 2.5 years ago we have returned a different child to school. He is happy and that is just amazing!
Personally I think i might be experiencing empty nest syndrome! I'm finding it very wierd not having any children at home. For 12.5 years I have had kids at home. I did get an 8 week stretch when our youngest girls went to school but within that time I spent hours and weeks preparing for S to be at home. Now I have no children and nothing in particular to prepare! Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't want any of them home again now. I am loving the fact that I am pure mum now and don't need to worry about academic achievements and no longer have the responsibility hanging over my shoulders of what I should be doing and what we've failed to do! I have absolutely no regrets at all about home schooling S. I really hope that the 2 + years we gave him is what he needed just to find his feet in his childhood and to realise his own value and be able to cope in the harsh playground and classroom. It could, of course, be the fact that simply 2 years of maturing has helped this transition to go so smoothly but I do hope that the time at home has contributed to him as a person overall.
For me, I don't think I would ever home school again! The toll it has taken on me has been so much bigger than I could ever have anticipated. As a parent you want to be able to do anything for your child and when you see one struggle your instinct is to support and to help and to do all within your power to change or to sort the situation. This is what we did with S. Home schooling has many many positive aspects and I've met some amazing mums from whom I have learnt so much about treasuring my children and really learning who they are. However, I've found home schooling to be an incredibly lonely place to be. It's a job all in itself and has pulled me away from being with people and circulating in a way that I've come to realise I need! My youngest children joke with me about it being their turn. I would struggle so much if it looked like they needed time out as I honestly don't think I could do it again.
I am excited now as to what the future holds! For S, I'm excited to see where his confidence will lead him. Thankfully academically he seems to be in a good place and I am looking forward to see him now spread his wings and head into the pre-teen stage. For me, the world feels like it's my oyster! I am a qualified teacher but everything within me is saying that teaching for me is over! My husband is a minister and that opens so many doors to be able to be involved in people's lives and to make a difference. I might not earn a penny doing this but I'm excited about the possibilities that lie ahead and am fortunate enough that no-one seems to be in any rush for me to be busy!
So as my blog comes to an end I want to thank you again for sticking with us! The support of friends and family has been amazing and I've been really amazed by folks who have taken the time to read the blog and follow our journey. A few folks have asked if they can share the blog with folks thinking about home schooling. Absolutely! Part of my reason in writing the blog was to give a realistic view of home schooling a child with additional needs at home. If this can help in any way I am delighted. I know I will have done things wrong or in a way you might think is a bit daft but if this blog can prevent someone else from my pitfalls then that's great! I'd love to hear from you if you are keen to start the journey or if you have any comments but from me and S, as we step out into the world once again, thank you!
Saturday, 15 March 2014
Thursday, 24 October 2013
2 years on...
I have started several blog entries now which have never made it to the blog! So much to say! I thought though that on the eve of our 2nd anniversary of starting home school it seemed like an appropriate milestone to mark.
I can't actually believe we've been working together for 2 years! That time has been marked with fairly major life events and yet we've carried on throughout them all. Even just now life is very uncertain for our family but home school carries on...
Today was actually a great reminder of where we have gone. Our days start very erratically. I'm sure I've described this before but S has PDD and Aspergers. PDD is a hard thing to live with for both S and us and explained very crudely means that if absolutely any 'demand' is made of the child it is met with massive resistance. It's a bit like being stuck at the toddler stage with no glimmer of growing out of it! Ideally, in a perfect world, I as mum would have learnt as much as I could about this condition and have learnt how to manage it well. Apparently negotiation is key and giving "choices" is crucial so as to make it appear that there are no demands. In reality though when living with this day in day out I get tired. Tired of second guessing absolutely every demand from the simplest demand of getting dressed all the way through to go to bed. I'm tired of juggling the needs of 4 important little human beings and failing to meet sufficiently the needs of any of them - or so it seems! To keep things in some sort of perspective it has struck me recently that actually what goes on in my head often doesn't come out! I'm not sure how much of a good thing this is but it is of some comfort that I think the majority of my moans and groans are kept to my own internal audience. Whilst not so self esteem boosting it hopefully means I am not showing my kids just how frustrated I am!
Anyway, I have totally digressed... Because of the PDD I have given up making a rod for my own back and enforcing a start time for the day. As long as we get through the work I'd like to achieve with a little time at the end of the day to breathe before the other come home then I'm happy. I have started this year to have a bit of time to myself to read before we even start. That time is so precious! It is the only time in the day that is peaceful! After that we make our way to "work". We are in a good routine now of S working through his "independent learning" tasks. Each day this consists of 50-60 mental maths sums followed by a spelling task or 2. That's all. This functions really well as a warm up. If we skip it he really struggles to focus. He is never given anything too taxing at this point so there is no feeling of failure. After this we move onto to maths. This has been a struggle but this week I think we have turned a corner. After a teaching friend spent a while with me earlier this week helping me to see the progression through a topic I realised to my shame once again that I'm pushing S far beyond where he really needs to be. No wonder he's been difficult! So, I've dropped the level a bit and am filling in the gaps and maths has been a breeze this week! We normally complete a couple of maths activities. Today we used the education city programme which he loves.
After that we move onto English which generally involves reading and grammar and sometimes comprehension work or story writing. We are not very prescriptive with this. Just now we are reading together Michael Morpurgo's book, "Billy the Kid". I'm reading it to S as I want him to enjoy the story which he does lose when he reads it himself. It has been fascinating. I picked the book because (to my shame) it was short and had a picture of a footballer on the front!! I thought S might enjoy the football element of the story. What I didn't realise is that it is all about the 2nd World War. S has been fascinated! We have had the most amazing full conversations this week about the war, the ethics of war, prisoners of war and all sorts. S has listened so well and asked really intelligent questions. He has heard details in the story and we have discussed idioms like "pushing up the daisies" which for autistic children can be really tricky. It has been so satisfying to do!
His learning I think has progressed a lot. On Sunday we had friends for lunch who he had never met before. At night time we drove up to church taking one of these new friends with us. S talked ALL the way for 30mins. I was go smacked. What's more, later on he told me that he had remembered me telling him that part of his education was to make an effort to make conversation with peopl he didn't know so well and so he had decided that he should really try! I was so proud of him! Not only had he actually listened to me but to see him apply some of the things I have chatted to him about is quite amazing! He continued on Sunday to amaze me by really trying hard in the sermon to note down several points. We are presently looking for a church so on Sunday it was a friend who is the minister at a church in Glasgow and not his dad who he is used to hearing. S normally finds it really quite hard to keep up with the language demands of a sermon but on Sunday tried extra hard. After an initial mix up he got into the stride of the style of preaching and was getting quite excited as he pre-empted the following sermon point and got it right! To see the delight on his face was so precious!
These things might sound really minor to many but they are huge milestones for us and S. Socially we need to be equipping him to fit into the world or at least cope in the world. Recently I have been doubting if we are making any progress at all. Last term was a very difficult home school term which I didn't really enjoy at all. What is lovely is at the beginning of this 3rd year to be able to see that we are actually making a difference and we are actually making progress! He is learning academically but more importantly he is becoming a more confident wee boy and becoming more secure in his own skin! Now we just need mum to become more confident in hers!
So as we embark on a 3rd year who knows what the future holds. It would be great to think that S would be confident and happy enough to go back to school and to make some friends. I am resting in the knowledge that God is preparing somewhere for the whole family to go that will be suitable for the whole family in every way! Until we know where that will be though and what will happen we will plod on!
I can't actually believe we've been working together for 2 years! That time has been marked with fairly major life events and yet we've carried on throughout them all. Even just now life is very uncertain for our family but home school carries on...
Today was actually a great reminder of where we have gone. Our days start very erratically. I'm sure I've described this before but S has PDD and Aspergers. PDD is a hard thing to live with for both S and us and explained very crudely means that if absolutely any 'demand' is made of the child it is met with massive resistance. It's a bit like being stuck at the toddler stage with no glimmer of growing out of it! Ideally, in a perfect world, I as mum would have learnt as much as I could about this condition and have learnt how to manage it well. Apparently negotiation is key and giving "choices" is crucial so as to make it appear that there are no demands. In reality though when living with this day in day out I get tired. Tired of second guessing absolutely every demand from the simplest demand of getting dressed all the way through to go to bed. I'm tired of juggling the needs of 4 important little human beings and failing to meet sufficiently the needs of any of them - or so it seems! To keep things in some sort of perspective it has struck me recently that actually what goes on in my head often doesn't come out! I'm not sure how much of a good thing this is but it is of some comfort that I think the majority of my moans and groans are kept to my own internal audience. Whilst not so self esteem boosting it hopefully means I am not showing my kids just how frustrated I am!
Anyway, I have totally digressed... Because of the PDD I have given up making a rod for my own back and enforcing a start time for the day. As long as we get through the work I'd like to achieve with a little time at the end of the day to breathe before the other come home then I'm happy. I have started this year to have a bit of time to myself to read before we even start. That time is so precious! It is the only time in the day that is peaceful! After that we make our way to "work". We are in a good routine now of S working through his "independent learning" tasks. Each day this consists of 50-60 mental maths sums followed by a spelling task or 2. That's all. This functions really well as a warm up. If we skip it he really struggles to focus. He is never given anything too taxing at this point so there is no feeling of failure. After this we move onto to maths. This has been a struggle but this week I think we have turned a corner. After a teaching friend spent a while with me earlier this week helping me to see the progression through a topic I realised to my shame once again that I'm pushing S far beyond where he really needs to be. No wonder he's been difficult! So, I've dropped the level a bit and am filling in the gaps and maths has been a breeze this week! We normally complete a couple of maths activities. Today we used the education city programme which he loves.
After that we move onto English which generally involves reading and grammar and sometimes comprehension work or story writing. We are not very prescriptive with this. Just now we are reading together Michael Morpurgo's book, "Billy the Kid". I'm reading it to S as I want him to enjoy the story which he does lose when he reads it himself. It has been fascinating. I picked the book because (to my shame) it was short and had a picture of a footballer on the front!! I thought S might enjoy the football element of the story. What I didn't realise is that it is all about the 2nd World War. S has been fascinated! We have had the most amazing full conversations this week about the war, the ethics of war, prisoners of war and all sorts. S has listened so well and asked really intelligent questions. He has heard details in the story and we have discussed idioms like "pushing up the daisies" which for autistic children can be really tricky. It has been so satisfying to do!
His learning I think has progressed a lot. On Sunday we had friends for lunch who he had never met before. At night time we drove up to church taking one of these new friends with us. S talked ALL the way for 30mins. I was go smacked. What's more, later on he told me that he had remembered me telling him that part of his education was to make an effort to make conversation with peopl he didn't know so well and so he had decided that he should really try! I was so proud of him! Not only had he actually listened to me but to see him apply some of the things I have chatted to him about is quite amazing! He continued on Sunday to amaze me by really trying hard in the sermon to note down several points. We are presently looking for a church so on Sunday it was a friend who is the minister at a church in Glasgow and not his dad who he is used to hearing. S normally finds it really quite hard to keep up with the language demands of a sermon but on Sunday tried extra hard. After an initial mix up he got into the stride of the style of preaching and was getting quite excited as he pre-empted the following sermon point and got it right! To see the delight on his face was so precious!
These things might sound really minor to many but they are huge milestones for us and S. Socially we need to be equipping him to fit into the world or at least cope in the world. Recently I have been doubting if we are making any progress at all. Last term was a very difficult home school term which I didn't really enjoy at all. What is lovely is at the beginning of this 3rd year to be able to see that we are actually making a difference and we are actually making progress! He is learning academically but more importantly he is becoming a more confident wee boy and becoming more secure in his own skin! Now we just need mum to become more confident in hers!
So as we embark on a 3rd year who knows what the future holds. It would be great to think that S would be confident and happy enough to go back to school and to make some friends. I am resting in the knowledge that God is preparing somewhere for the whole family to go that will be suitable for the whole family in every way! Until we know where that will be though and what will happen we will plod on!
Sunday, 25 August 2013
At the end of the week there's another week dawning...
I thought I would check in after our first week of home school for session 2013/2014.
It's been a positive start I am delighted to say! We have achieved a lot, there have been no raised voices and we have managed to leave the confines of the house twice this week! By Friday, hints of non-co-operation started to rear their ugly head but thankfully by that stage we had got through the bulk of the tasks for the week and so it was easy enough to keep S going.
I have been very aware this week of two things:
1.Academic jumps:
S is getting older and what he needs to learn is getting harder! So far on the whole I've not had to teach much that has challenged me and that I am not confident about. I do frequently laugh inside at the fact that I am teaching anybody maths and have solidified maths concepts in my own head let alone S's! However, particularly in Maths and English we are beginning to stray into territory that is out of my comfort zone and I can see that in not all that long a time I will need help!
2. Social skills:
By far I think this should be the area that I need to take most seriously. S has a lot to offer the world but if he cannot fit into the world then we have problems. He is in such a different place from when I took him out of school but I am very aware now of the areas where he needs so much help. For example, I met a friend of mine for lunch on Friday. S has been getting to know this friend too and feels comfortable with her. Before we left I suggested he might try to make conversation with her and you would have thought I was asking him to pull all her teeth out! He was horrified at the suggestion. S did chat through lunch but I couldn't help but notice how poor his eye contact was and how jumpy and edgy he was. After lunch the shop assistant commented on his football top and was very chatty about it. As she chatted away she commented that she didn't know why she was bothering as S was obviously not listening. S WAS listening but couldn't look at her. I never understood this part of autism until I went to the sensory seminar where they explained that it can actually be too painful for someone with autism to look straight on at someone. Imagine holding your hand above a candle. The normal reaction would to be to remove your hand as it started to burn because it would hurt. I suppose if eye contact is painful them it is no different here. S will be good with eye contact in a situation that he is very comfortable in (like his home) or somewhere very quiet or in a one-to-one but to be in a cafe, somewhere new with new tastes, sights, smells, sounds... that was pushing it to expect eye contact too! This though is my challenge. To help him to work out how to deal with this sort of situation without giving away that it's a real struggle for him and without raising any questions as to his coping. I actually think that this year these lessons will be far more valuable than anything I can teach him about mathematical or grammatical concepts.
So another week beckons. Getting out of the house twice was not enough for me last week. So, this week is full to the brim of structured times out and about. Can't wait! Hopefully S will be on good form to make this a good week.
It's been a positive start I am delighted to say! We have achieved a lot, there have been no raised voices and we have managed to leave the confines of the house twice this week! By Friday, hints of non-co-operation started to rear their ugly head but thankfully by that stage we had got through the bulk of the tasks for the week and so it was easy enough to keep S going.
I have been very aware this week of two things:
1.Academic jumps:
S is getting older and what he needs to learn is getting harder! So far on the whole I've not had to teach much that has challenged me and that I am not confident about. I do frequently laugh inside at the fact that I am teaching anybody maths and have solidified maths concepts in my own head let alone S's! However, particularly in Maths and English we are beginning to stray into territory that is out of my comfort zone and I can see that in not all that long a time I will need help!
2. Social skills:
By far I think this should be the area that I need to take most seriously. S has a lot to offer the world but if he cannot fit into the world then we have problems. He is in such a different place from when I took him out of school but I am very aware now of the areas where he needs so much help. For example, I met a friend of mine for lunch on Friday. S has been getting to know this friend too and feels comfortable with her. Before we left I suggested he might try to make conversation with her and you would have thought I was asking him to pull all her teeth out! He was horrified at the suggestion. S did chat through lunch but I couldn't help but notice how poor his eye contact was and how jumpy and edgy he was. After lunch the shop assistant commented on his football top and was very chatty about it. As she chatted away she commented that she didn't know why she was bothering as S was obviously not listening. S WAS listening but couldn't look at her. I never understood this part of autism until I went to the sensory seminar where they explained that it can actually be too painful for someone with autism to look straight on at someone. Imagine holding your hand above a candle. The normal reaction would to be to remove your hand as it started to burn because it would hurt. I suppose if eye contact is painful them it is no different here. S will be good with eye contact in a situation that he is very comfortable in (like his home) or somewhere very quiet or in a one-to-one but to be in a cafe, somewhere new with new tastes, sights, smells, sounds... that was pushing it to expect eye contact too! This though is my challenge. To help him to work out how to deal with this sort of situation without giving away that it's a real struggle for him and without raising any questions as to his coping. I actually think that this year these lessons will be far more valuable than anything I can teach him about mathematical or grammatical concepts.
So another week beckons. Getting out of the house twice was not enough for me last week. So, this week is full to the brim of structured times out and about. Can't wait! Hopefully S will be on good form to make this a good week.
Monday, 19 August 2013
Motivation and Lists...
Well, here we go again! Another term is about to kick off leading into a whole new academic year. Forgive me now for the ramble this may be but I have spent seven hours today planning work and my brain feels a little like a raided filing cabinet crying out for order!
This morning as I sat at the desk I have to admit a real feeling of dread! I love my son dearly (I hope that is evident and not something I have to spell out!) but the cost of home schooling a child in emotional terms, particularly last term, has been big and having had a break I am quite apprehensive about starting again and finding it all too much. However, today has been good! I did check facebook a ridiculous number of times in the first few hours! I'm not exactly sure what I expected to see as pretty much all the friends i have were using their time far more industriously than me but it was a distraction that was there. I rebuilt our lego calendar, I counted out the weeks and worked my way through all the mundane tasks I could think of. There were a few turning points that did help my day. Let me share:
Motivator Number 1:
Let all that you do be done in love. —1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV)
This was posted on Facebook by one of my favourite Christian songwriters. (See Facebook wasn't a complete and utter waste of time!) I was quite struck by this. Over the weekend I have felt quite challenged by the fact that as a stay at home mum quite often the temptation is to feel like a bit of a sponger from the world. My children are all pretty good at entertaining themselves now and I feel quite redundant a lot of the time. My days are endless rounds of tidying up, cooking, cleaning and doing various mundane jobs over and over again. My children often only come and see me when they've got an issue to resolve with a sibling, they are bored or they are hungry. On the very rare occasion they do come and chat to me just because they'd like to talk to me, but that is definitely the exception rather than the rule! So, at the stage my children are at the temptation is very big to seek out some other sort of "life satisfaction" and role. My frustration of late has been that whilst the kids are all that bit older they still do need me! None of them are old enough to be left on their own and what I have been learning is that the security in knowing that I am there at all is so important to them. With a bigger family, one of whom needs a fair bit more input than 'normal' we are still well and truly at the stage of it being a complete headache to try to find babysitters for even the most mundane activity. So, it can be an easy road to travel down of feeling resentful and frustrated. However, this verse sums up how I have been feeling! Instead of seeing the kids as obstacles in the way I need to realise and appreciate what God given gifts they are! I have 4 little personalities that love to be at home, love to be near me and love to talk (normally all at once). Those conversations about the various issues I need to cherish and make the most of rather than feel frustrated with. All that I do needs to be "motivated by love" not just the jobs that I do for people out with my family. Isn't it easier sometimes to give family 2nd best? So, homeschool has to be motivated by love! I love my son but more importantly I love The Lord who gave us the gift of a son! My attitude I need to constantly reassess in order not to lose my focus and this verse I think I will keep at our desk!
Motivator Number 2:
Every week or so I get a whole batch of emails from the National Autistic Society. Today was my mailing day and one was to help parents help their children get back into school. Just glancing through the list of difficulties was an immediate wake up call to me! Here were parents battling with all that we were before we took S out of school and far far worse. Whenever I feel frustrated about how home school affects ME if I think about how school affects S I can feel quite upset quickly! I really don't know how much in me is sheltering S from the inevitable realities of a world that doesn't cope with people who don't conform to its view of 'normal' but ultimately I feel a huge responsibility to shelter my son from a world that he doesn't understand and as yet doesn't have the strategies to cope with. In the day to day living we can so easily forget S is on the spectrum but every now and again are very much reminded. Even in this past week it has been very clear. Out of all 4 children S has by far been the most agitated about term starting again. Over busy times during the summer his aggression has built up and he has needed to have 'time out' completely from any other person. His anxiety levels at not knowing what is going on at any time can be huge to the extent that if I open the door to go out to the buckets he needs to know where I'm going and if I'll be back! (I really struggle with that!) S is so so clever at giving the impression he understands scenarios and situations and that he's coping but at times over the summer I have seen an expression of sheer terror in his face as noise levels have exceeded what he can cope with and as he has struggled to make sense of a situation. This little boy I couldn't bare to put back to school. I don't cope when he doesn't cope! I just want to cry! But yet, at this time in life I have the chance to give him a calm environment at home where he is safe and loved and I need to remember that that is a blessing and a motivator!
Sorry - this really is a ramble!! I will draw my thoughts to a conclusion!
I've decided and realised that lists are crucial to our progress this term. I've decided that for my sanity I will resort to a weekly meal plan. I did this when our twins were babies and it was great. It's a bit dull and means that if you ever visit us on a Monday you'll be eating macaroni and bacon, but it helps my head!! I've also updated apps so that S has a list of what he'll be doing on each day, a list of tasks, lists of holidays, lists of pretty much everything really. This should help make our days smoother and more structured. I'm going to make more of an effort to ensure we leave the house far more during the week, once for coffee for me, once for a trip for him and once for shopping needed. That should help my claustrophobia and hopefully help him to feel a bit more confident out and about.
Other than that life will carry on as usual. Family life is up in the air! We have no idea where our family will be living in a couple of months but know that we will not be here. That is definitely adding a little bit more spice into life! For those of you who are praying for us thank you so much again and may I ask you keep doing so. That would really be my motivator number 3 and means so so much! I couldn't do this without you!
This morning as I sat at the desk I have to admit a real feeling of dread! I love my son dearly (I hope that is evident and not something I have to spell out!) but the cost of home schooling a child in emotional terms, particularly last term, has been big and having had a break I am quite apprehensive about starting again and finding it all too much. However, today has been good! I did check facebook a ridiculous number of times in the first few hours! I'm not exactly sure what I expected to see as pretty much all the friends i have were using their time far more industriously than me but it was a distraction that was there. I rebuilt our lego calendar, I counted out the weeks and worked my way through all the mundane tasks I could think of. There were a few turning points that did help my day. Let me share:
Motivator Number 1:
Let all that you do be done in love. —1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV)
This was posted on Facebook by one of my favourite Christian songwriters. (See Facebook wasn't a complete and utter waste of time!) I was quite struck by this. Over the weekend I have felt quite challenged by the fact that as a stay at home mum quite often the temptation is to feel like a bit of a sponger from the world. My children are all pretty good at entertaining themselves now and I feel quite redundant a lot of the time. My days are endless rounds of tidying up, cooking, cleaning and doing various mundane jobs over and over again. My children often only come and see me when they've got an issue to resolve with a sibling, they are bored or they are hungry. On the very rare occasion they do come and chat to me just because they'd like to talk to me, but that is definitely the exception rather than the rule! So, at the stage my children are at the temptation is very big to seek out some other sort of "life satisfaction" and role. My frustration of late has been that whilst the kids are all that bit older they still do need me! None of them are old enough to be left on their own and what I have been learning is that the security in knowing that I am there at all is so important to them. With a bigger family, one of whom needs a fair bit more input than 'normal' we are still well and truly at the stage of it being a complete headache to try to find babysitters for even the most mundane activity. So, it can be an easy road to travel down of feeling resentful and frustrated. However, this verse sums up how I have been feeling! Instead of seeing the kids as obstacles in the way I need to realise and appreciate what God given gifts they are! I have 4 little personalities that love to be at home, love to be near me and love to talk (normally all at once). Those conversations about the various issues I need to cherish and make the most of rather than feel frustrated with. All that I do needs to be "motivated by love" not just the jobs that I do for people out with my family. Isn't it easier sometimes to give family 2nd best? So, homeschool has to be motivated by love! I love my son but more importantly I love The Lord who gave us the gift of a son! My attitude I need to constantly reassess in order not to lose my focus and this verse I think I will keep at our desk!
Motivator Number 2:
Every week or so I get a whole batch of emails from the National Autistic Society. Today was my mailing day and one was to help parents help their children get back into school. Just glancing through the list of difficulties was an immediate wake up call to me! Here were parents battling with all that we were before we took S out of school and far far worse. Whenever I feel frustrated about how home school affects ME if I think about how school affects S I can feel quite upset quickly! I really don't know how much in me is sheltering S from the inevitable realities of a world that doesn't cope with people who don't conform to its view of 'normal' but ultimately I feel a huge responsibility to shelter my son from a world that he doesn't understand and as yet doesn't have the strategies to cope with. In the day to day living we can so easily forget S is on the spectrum but every now and again are very much reminded. Even in this past week it has been very clear. Out of all 4 children S has by far been the most agitated about term starting again. Over busy times during the summer his aggression has built up and he has needed to have 'time out' completely from any other person. His anxiety levels at not knowing what is going on at any time can be huge to the extent that if I open the door to go out to the buckets he needs to know where I'm going and if I'll be back! (I really struggle with that!) S is so so clever at giving the impression he understands scenarios and situations and that he's coping but at times over the summer I have seen an expression of sheer terror in his face as noise levels have exceeded what he can cope with and as he has struggled to make sense of a situation. This little boy I couldn't bare to put back to school. I don't cope when he doesn't cope! I just want to cry! But yet, at this time in life I have the chance to give him a calm environment at home where he is safe and loved and I need to remember that that is a blessing and a motivator!
Sorry - this really is a ramble!! I will draw my thoughts to a conclusion!
I've decided and realised that lists are crucial to our progress this term. I've decided that for my sanity I will resort to a weekly meal plan. I did this when our twins were babies and it was great. It's a bit dull and means that if you ever visit us on a Monday you'll be eating macaroni and bacon, but it helps my head!! I've also updated apps so that S has a list of what he'll be doing on each day, a list of tasks, lists of holidays, lists of pretty much everything really. This should help make our days smoother and more structured. I'm going to make more of an effort to ensure we leave the house far more during the week, once for coffee for me, once for a trip for him and once for shopping needed. That should help my claustrophobia and hopefully help him to feel a bit more confident out and about.
Other than that life will carry on as usual. Family life is up in the air! We have no idea where our family will be living in a couple of months but know that we will not be here. That is definitely adding a little bit more spice into life! For those of you who are praying for us thank you so much again and may I ask you keep doing so. That would really be my motivator number 3 and means so so much! I couldn't do this without you!
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
Ever so slightly overwhelmed...
So, the holidays are nearly over. We needed a holiday so badly! We have benefitted from the holiday so much yet this year my enthusiasm for home school is really struggling!
After the positivity of the end of term assessments, S's success at the kids club in the summer and the many positive compliments folks have paid as to what a difference they see in S you would think I would be raring to go and full of new ideas and excitement. The truth is though that S is growing up! He has changed this summer and I'm so aware of my responsibility more than ever to equip him to cope with the 'big bad world' and all that it holds! As his confidence has grown so has his desire to fit in and I now feel the pressure of needing to help him to do this and hopefully not fail at the first hurdle! With the prospect of a move coming ever closer for our family S has started talking about returning to school. I have such mixed emotions about this! Home school has been so isolating for me the thought of having some freedom during school hours for even just a while is a lovely thought! Even to have the option to take on some sort of work that is not within the 4 walls of my house would be great. However, for S to go back to school means my teaching will come under major scrutiny and I'm not quite sure my confidence levels will cope with that! I can justify my teaching methods til I'm blue in the face! I could use endless educational jargon to talk about what we've done, how we've done it and why we've done what we've done but ultimately I know how cynical teachers can be (I was one after all!) and when it's only me to blame for S's education then there's no-one else to blame!!
So, my anxiety levels are fairly high! The other kids go back to school on Friday so that will be one of the 2 in service days I'm giving myself! I'm hoping that by absorbing myself back into planning my confidence will return and we will start the year with enthusiasm, energy and optimism!
After the positivity of the end of term assessments, S's success at the kids club in the summer and the many positive compliments folks have paid as to what a difference they see in S you would think I would be raring to go and full of new ideas and excitement. The truth is though that S is growing up! He has changed this summer and I'm so aware of my responsibility more than ever to equip him to cope with the 'big bad world' and all that it holds! As his confidence has grown so has his desire to fit in and I now feel the pressure of needing to help him to do this and hopefully not fail at the first hurdle! With the prospect of a move coming ever closer for our family S has started talking about returning to school. I have such mixed emotions about this! Home school has been so isolating for me the thought of having some freedom during school hours for even just a while is a lovely thought! Even to have the option to take on some sort of work that is not within the 4 walls of my house would be great. However, for S to go back to school means my teaching will come under major scrutiny and I'm not quite sure my confidence levels will cope with that! I can justify my teaching methods til I'm blue in the face! I could use endless educational jargon to talk about what we've done, how we've done it and why we've done what we've done but ultimately I know how cynical teachers can be (I was one after all!) and when it's only me to blame for S's education then there's no-one else to blame!!
So, my anxiety levels are fairly high! The other kids go back to school on Friday so that will be one of the 2 in service days I'm giving myself! I'm hoping that by absorbing myself back into planning my confidence will return and we will start the year with enthusiasm, energy and optimism!
Saturday, 20 July 2013
Affirmations for the NED - review part 2
I meant to write long before now, as a conclusion to our year but time has run away from me and this is the first time I've really had a minute to jot down some thoughts.
Since I last wrote two things have happened that have been a huge encouragement to me and to S also. Before that, why NED? Well, S's dad one night was playing a word association game with the boys. Amongst other words, one of the words was "mum". Quick as a flash S came out with "Non Educated Delinquent" to which dad and big brother fell about laughing! This has now stuck! In my more fragile moments its not the best title to be labelled with and yes it would have been nice if almost any other adjective more commonly associated with mums was used but then the rational side of me likes the banter and remembers that S has not a deliberately nasty bone in his body and wouldn't for one minute intend any hurt! So, NED I seem now to be!!
So, encouragements...
In the past year I have been involved with planning an event for Christian women. One of the other girls on the committee is a retired head teacher. I didn't really realise this until fairly recently and joked one night that if she would like to have a wee reminder of teaching then at any time she would be welcome to teach S. to cut a long story short, S spent a couple of hours with her being assessed on his reading and his maths. This has in so many ways been an encouragement for me. To be honest I was slightly apprehensive having S assessed! What a nightmare if he had regressed!! S was last assessed 3 months before I took on the responsibility for his education. He did well in the assessments - phew!! Not only that but to hear him chatting away to my friend and co-operating with someone who really was a complete stranger to him at that point was brilliant.
That confidence has grown even since then. We have just come back from holiday. Each year we go to a big convention with 4000 people. As part of this there is a great kids programme which is split into various age groups. This was our 7th year there. Up until now S has never coped well with it and opted out midweek. We never want to force the kids when they are on holiday to do something like this but alongside that we are more aware than ever of the fact that because I have S at home with me all the time now I really don't get any time out. The time the kids are at the clubs is a rare breather for me. For S's age group the club is full of things 8-11 year old kids love, games, gunge, lots of fun, alongside more quiet activities too. As you might imagine though that with gunge comes hyper kids and a lot of noise. This has been the major stumbling block for S for the past few years. Throughout the year S has spoken about the club and made it his aim to overcome some of his difficulties. Well, the boy did well! He went to every single session and loved it!! His granny gave him some ear plugs which he used once a session but he came back so happy each day. One day, his leader did say he was not on great form and did write on a post it note "Do Not Disturb" which he then stuck to his face! But other than that he was great. I am so so happy for him. The sense of achievement for S is enormous! He could feel part of things for the first time and thanks to the commitment of the leaders, his one-to-one and S himself he will remember this year for a long time!
So big achievements and encouragements as we step onto the threshold of a new year. I think not just S needs to start the year positively but I do to and reflect on just how far we have come. To see him so happy last week gives me hope that one day in the not too distant future he might be reintegrated into a school and be able to access the many things that kids in general completely take for granted.
Since I last wrote two things have happened that have been a huge encouragement to me and to S also. Before that, why NED? Well, S's dad one night was playing a word association game with the boys. Amongst other words, one of the words was "mum". Quick as a flash S came out with "Non Educated Delinquent" to which dad and big brother fell about laughing! This has now stuck! In my more fragile moments its not the best title to be labelled with and yes it would have been nice if almost any other adjective more commonly associated with mums was used but then the rational side of me likes the banter and remembers that S has not a deliberately nasty bone in his body and wouldn't for one minute intend any hurt! So, NED I seem now to be!!
So, encouragements...
In the past year I have been involved with planning an event for Christian women. One of the other girls on the committee is a retired head teacher. I didn't really realise this until fairly recently and joked one night that if she would like to have a wee reminder of teaching then at any time she would be welcome to teach S. to cut a long story short, S spent a couple of hours with her being assessed on his reading and his maths. This has in so many ways been an encouragement for me. To be honest I was slightly apprehensive having S assessed! What a nightmare if he had regressed!! S was last assessed 3 months before I took on the responsibility for his education. He did well in the assessments - phew!! Not only that but to hear him chatting away to my friend and co-operating with someone who really was a complete stranger to him at that point was brilliant.
That confidence has grown even since then. We have just come back from holiday. Each year we go to a big convention with 4000 people. As part of this there is a great kids programme which is split into various age groups. This was our 7th year there. Up until now S has never coped well with it and opted out midweek. We never want to force the kids when they are on holiday to do something like this but alongside that we are more aware than ever of the fact that because I have S at home with me all the time now I really don't get any time out. The time the kids are at the clubs is a rare breather for me. For S's age group the club is full of things 8-11 year old kids love, games, gunge, lots of fun, alongside more quiet activities too. As you might imagine though that with gunge comes hyper kids and a lot of noise. This has been the major stumbling block for S for the past few years. Throughout the year S has spoken about the club and made it his aim to overcome some of his difficulties. Well, the boy did well! He went to every single session and loved it!! His granny gave him some ear plugs which he used once a session but he came back so happy each day. One day, his leader did say he was not on great form and did write on a post it note "Do Not Disturb" which he then stuck to his face! But other than that he was great. I am so so happy for him. The sense of achievement for S is enormous! He could feel part of things for the first time and thanks to the commitment of the leaders, his one-to-one and S himself he will remember this year for a long time!
So big achievements and encouragements as we step onto the threshold of a new year. I think not just S needs to start the year positively but I do to and reflect on just how far we have come. To see him so happy last week gives me hope that one day in the not too distant future he might be reintegrated into a school and be able to access the many things that kids in general completely take for granted.
Thursday, 6 June 2013
A year's review...part 1
You'll be noticing the posts are beginning to tail off as the end of the school year fast approaches. We are so much needing our holidays! Both S and I are tired and concentration levels are sketchy at the best of times.
As the school year ends its always a good time to reflect on the year as a whole. My husband and I never intended home schooling to be something we would do forever and we both felt it was going to be important to review it term by term. So here's my honest review!
Are we still glad to be home educating S?
For S:
Absolutely! We now have a happy son! We no longer have a stressed out boy but a peaceful one. S's confidence in himself is growing day by day now. His conversation at home has been transformed. Often at the dinner table, for example, he is the life and soul of the family, full of chat and jokes. Through the home ed network S has made a brilliant friend which has also been such a joy. These two boys have such fun together and there is a freedom with both of them that I love to watch that is found in the home ed community. Neither of them have a pressure to conform. Neither of them have a nasty streak in their bodies! They are both quiet boys by nature and just love to play! It has been so special watching their friendship grow and to see S make a genuine friend of his own for the first time has been amazing!
Academically I think it's been good! This one's a tricky one to gauge as having had S out of the system for almost two years I am aware it's very much me to blame now and not the system!! I definitely see signs of progress. S's ability to cope with mistakes is improving. I suppose that might seem a little strange to approach academic progress by looking at mistakes but I think it is a crucial aspect of learning. For S a lot of learning is going to be about developing strategies to work life out. For him what is second nature to us will take quite an effort. For example, he has memory difficulties. So, to learn his times tables is a tricky thing. How is he to quickly work out prices in a shop if his memory is to let home down? On a social level, we learn as we grow, the natural way to interact with other people from a basic level of knowing how to greet someone or speak to them on the phone. This is not intuitive at all for S and so something I see very much as part of his education. These are the things that I feel we can tackle in home school. Living independently is something I really hope S can do in the long run. Not at all because I want shot of him but I want him to have the same opportunities as I had and the chance to develop into his own person. This might seem a strange point under academic progress but this past term we have worked on S being able to make his own lunch, make healthy choices, be responsible for clearing up and helping and then also encouraging personal hygiene. Again, having the flexibility of the day is great for all of this, when the other 3 children are away and the pressure is off. So in many ways, maybe unconventionally there has been progress. Next time hopefully I will be able to update on more conventional academic progress.
For me:
As a mum watching the difference in S makes it ultimately all worthwhile. Personally for many many reasons this has been one of the toughest years of my life and my husband and I are very aware of the contribution that home schooling makes to making things difficult. I constantly struggle in my head now with the fact that whilst I know home school is doing S good it quite possibly is having the opposite effect on me. The basic problem is the isolation involved. No matter how we structure things we are in quite a lot. After almost 2 years I still haven't managed to strike the correct balance between teaching S, keeping on top of the housework and keeping up socialising. If home school wasn't making such an obvious difference to S I think I would have to return him to school. To do so just now though would break my heart as he's quite simply too precious to put back into the lion's den! Are my motives wrong? I need to make sure I constantly assess what I am doing with him. I think it would be wrong to home school for my piece of mind and not for his welfare and I need to continually check whether that is what I am doing. S and I have very different personalities. I thrive on being with people and being busy. He thrives on quietness and being alone!
As a family we are in a big time of change and over the next few months we are about to see major changes in our family life. I think home school for next year will have to change too. Whether the time has come to now look perhaps at part time schooling or trying to formally involve other people into his routine to try to help me, I'm not yet sure but am keen to pursue options. The school holidays are a very welcome break for us both and I'm hoping a time to re-energise a very tired teaching mummy! And in the midst of all this I have one twin who I think is shaping up to long to be home schooled! Therein lies a whole new dilemma!! Can we as parents only offer this to one child and not the others? I honestly don't think I could do it with more than one and have huge respect from my fellow home school mums who teach all their children!
So that's review one. Any comments are very much appreciated! Take it as an appraisal opportunity. Maybe you think we should pull the plug or maybe you've got some solution to some of the dilemmas! Either way I'd love you to share your thoughts.
As the school year ends its always a good time to reflect on the year as a whole. My husband and I never intended home schooling to be something we would do forever and we both felt it was going to be important to review it term by term. So here's my honest review!
Are we still glad to be home educating S?
For S:
Absolutely! We now have a happy son! We no longer have a stressed out boy but a peaceful one. S's confidence in himself is growing day by day now. His conversation at home has been transformed. Often at the dinner table, for example, he is the life and soul of the family, full of chat and jokes. Through the home ed network S has made a brilliant friend which has also been such a joy. These two boys have such fun together and there is a freedom with both of them that I love to watch that is found in the home ed community. Neither of them have a pressure to conform. Neither of them have a nasty streak in their bodies! They are both quiet boys by nature and just love to play! It has been so special watching their friendship grow and to see S make a genuine friend of his own for the first time has been amazing!
Academically I think it's been good! This one's a tricky one to gauge as having had S out of the system for almost two years I am aware it's very much me to blame now and not the system!! I definitely see signs of progress. S's ability to cope with mistakes is improving. I suppose that might seem a little strange to approach academic progress by looking at mistakes but I think it is a crucial aspect of learning. For S a lot of learning is going to be about developing strategies to work life out. For him what is second nature to us will take quite an effort. For example, he has memory difficulties. So, to learn his times tables is a tricky thing. How is he to quickly work out prices in a shop if his memory is to let home down? On a social level, we learn as we grow, the natural way to interact with other people from a basic level of knowing how to greet someone or speak to them on the phone. This is not intuitive at all for S and so something I see very much as part of his education. These are the things that I feel we can tackle in home school. Living independently is something I really hope S can do in the long run. Not at all because I want shot of him but I want him to have the same opportunities as I had and the chance to develop into his own person. This might seem a strange point under academic progress but this past term we have worked on S being able to make his own lunch, make healthy choices, be responsible for clearing up and helping and then also encouraging personal hygiene. Again, having the flexibility of the day is great for all of this, when the other 3 children are away and the pressure is off. So in many ways, maybe unconventionally there has been progress. Next time hopefully I will be able to update on more conventional academic progress.
For me:
As a mum watching the difference in S makes it ultimately all worthwhile. Personally for many many reasons this has been one of the toughest years of my life and my husband and I are very aware of the contribution that home schooling makes to making things difficult. I constantly struggle in my head now with the fact that whilst I know home school is doing S good it quite possibly is having the opposite effect on me. The basic problem is the isolation involved. No matter how we structure things we are in quite a lot. After almost 2 years I still haven't managed to strike the correct balance between teaching S, keeping on top of the housework and keeping up socialising. If home school wasn't making such an obvious difference to S I think I would have to return him to school. To do so just now though would break my heart as he's quite simply too precious to put back into the lion's den! Are my motives wrong? I need to make sure I constantly assess what I am doing with him. I think it would be wrong to home school for my piece of mind and not for his welfare and I need to continually check whether that is what I am doing. S and I have very different personalities. I thrive on being with people and being busy. He thrives on quietness and being alone!
As a family we are in a big time of change and over the next few months we are about to see major changes in our family life. I think home school for next year will have to change too. Whether the time has come to now look perhaps at part time schooling or trying to formally involve other people into his routine to try to help me, I'm not yet sure but am keen to pursue options. The school holidays are a very welcome break for us both and I'm hoping a time to re-energise a very tired teaching mummy! And in the midst of all this I have one twin who I think is shaping up to long to be home schooled! Therein lies a whole new dilemma!! Can we as parents only offer this to one child and not the others? I honestly don't think I could do it with more than one and have huge respect from my fellow home school mums who teach all their children!
So that's review one. Any comments are very much appreciated! Take it as an appraisal opportunity. Maybe you think we should pull the plug or maybe you've got some solution to some of the dilemmas! Either way I'd love you to share your thoughts.
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