So, the holidays are nearly over. We needed a holiday so badly! We have benefitted from the holiday so much yet this year my enthusiasm for home school is really struggling!
After the positivity of the end of term assessments, S's success at the kids club in the summer and the many positive compliments folks have paid as to what a difference they see in S you would think I would be raring to go and full of new ideas and excitement. The truth is though that S is growing up! He has changed this summer and I'm so aware of my responsibility more than ever to equip him to cope with the 'big bad world' and all that it holds! As his confidence has grown so has his desire to fit in and I now feel the pressure of needing to help him to do this and hopefully not fail at the first hurdle! With the prospect of a move coming ever closer for our family S has started talking about returning to school. I have such mixed emotions about this! Home school has been so isolating for me the thought of having some freedom during school hours for even just a while is a lovely thought! Even to have the option to take on some sort of work that is not within the 4 walls of my house would be great. However, for S to go back to school means my teaching will come under major scrutiny and I'm not quite sure my confidence levels will cope with that! I can justify my teaching methods til I'm blue in the face! I could use endless educational jargon to talk about what we've done, how we've done it and why we've done what we've done but ultimately I know how cynical teachers can be (I was one after all!) and when it's only me to blame for S's education then there's no-one else to blame!!
So, my anxiety levels are fairly high! The other kids go back to school on Friday so that will be one of the 2 in service days I'm giving myself! I'm hoping that by absorbing myself back into planning my confidence will return and we will start the year with enthusiasm, energy and optimism!
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