I have started several blog entries now which have never made it to the blog! So much to say! I thought though that on the eve of our 2nd anniversary of starting home school it seemed like an appropriate milestone to mark.
I can't actually believe we've been working together for 2 years! That time has been marked with fairly major life events and yet we've carried on throughout them all. Even just now life is very uncertain for our family but home school carries on...
Today was actually a great reminder of where we have gone. Our days start very erratically. I'm sure I've described this before but S has PDD and Aspergers. PDD is a hard thing to live with for both S and us and explained very crudely means that if absolutely any 'demand' is made of the child it is met with massive resistance. It's a bit like being stuck at the toddler stage with no glimmer of growing out of it! Ideally, in a perfect world, I as mum would have learnt as much as I could about this condition and have learnt how to manage it well. Apparently negotiation is key and giving "choices" is crucial so as to make it appear that there are no demands. In reality though when living with this day in day out I get tired. Tired of second guessing absolutely every demand from the simplest demand of getting dressed all the way through to go to bed. I'm tired of juggling the needs of 4 important little human beings and failing to meet sufficiently the needs of any of them - or so it seems! To keep things in some sort of perspective it has struck me recently that actually what goes on in my head often doesn't come out! I'm not sure how much of a good thing this is but it is of some comfort that I think the majority of my moans and groans are kept to my own internal audience. Whilst not so self esteem boosting it hopefully means I am not showing my kids just how frustrated I am!
Anyway, I have totally digressed... Because of the PDD I have given up making a rod for my own back and enforcing a start time for the day. As long as we get through the work I'd like to achieve with a little time at the end of the day to breathe before the other come home then I'm happy. I have started this year to have a bit of time to myself to read before we even start. That time is so precious! It is the only time in the day that is peaceful! After that we make our way to "work". We are in a good routine now of S working through his "independent learning" tasks. Each day this consists of 50-60 mental maths sums followed by a spelling task or 2. That's all. This functions really well as a warm up. If we skip it he really struggles to focus. He is never given anything too taxing at this point so there is no feeling of failure. After this we move onto to maths. This has been a struggle but this week I think we have turned a corner. After a teaching friend spent a while with me earlier this week helping me to see the progression through a topic I realised to my shame once again that I'm pushing S far beyond where he really needs to be. No wonder he's been difficult! So, I've dropped the level a bit and am filling in the gaps and maths has been a breeze this week! We normally complete a couple of maths activities. Today we used the education city programme which he loves.
After that we move onto English which generally involves reading and grammar and sometimes comprehension work or story writing. We are not very prescriptive with this. Just now we are reading together Michael Morpurgo's book, "Billy the Kid". I'm reading it to S as I want him to enjoy the story which he does lose when he reads it himself. It has been fascinating. I picked the book because (to my shame) it was short and had a picture of a footballer on the front!! I thought S might enjoy the football element of the story. What I didn't realise is that it is all about the 2nd World War. S has been fascinated! We have had the most amazing full conversations this week about the war, the ethics of war, prisoners of war and all sorts. S has listened so well and asked really intelligent questions. He has heard details in the story and we have discussed idioms like "pushing up the daisies" which for autistic children can be really tricky. It has been so satisfying to do!
His learning I think has progressed a lot. On Sunday we had friends for lunch who he had never met before. At night time we drove up to church taking one of these new friends with us. S talked ALL the way for 30mins. I was go smacked. What's more, later on he told me that he had remembered me telling him that part of his education was to make an effort to make conversation with peopl he didn't know so well and so he had decided that he should really try! I was so proud of him! Not only had he actually listened to me but to see him apply some of the things I have chatted to him about is quite amazing! He continued on Sunday to amaze me by really trying hard in the sermon to note down several points. We are presently looking for a church so on Sunday it was a friend who is the minister at a church in Glasgow and not his dad who he is used to hearing. S normally finds it really quite hard to keep up with the language demands of a sermon but on Sunday tried extra hard. After an initial mix up he got into the stride of the style of preaching and was getting quite excited as he pre-empted the following sermon point and got it right! To see the delight on his face was so precious!
These things might sound really minor to many but they are huge milestones for us and S. Socially we need to be equipping him to fit into the world or at least cope in the world. Recently I have been doubting if we are making any progress at all. Last term was a very difficult home school term which I didn't really enjoy at all. What is lovely is at the beginning of this 3rd year to be able to see that we are actually making a difference and we are actually making progress! He is learning academically but more importantly he is becoming a more confident wee boy and becoming more secure in his own skin! Now we just need mum to become more confident in hers!
So as we embark on a 3rd year who knows what the future holds. It would be great to think that S would be confident and happy enough to go back to school and to make some friends. I am resting in the knowledge that God is preparing somewhere for the whole family to go that will be suitable for the whole family in every way! Until we know where that will be though and what will happen we will plod on!
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Sunday, 25 August 2013
At the end of the week there's another week dawning...
I thought I would check in after our first week of home school for session 2013/2014.
It's been a positive start I am delighted to say! We have achieved a lot, there have been no raised voices and we have managed to leave the confines of the house twice this week! By Friday, hints of non-co-operation started to rear their ugly head but thankfully by that stage we had got through the bulk of the tasks for the week and so it was easy enough to keep S going.
I have been very aware this week of two things:
1.Academic jumps:
S is getting older and what he needs to learn is getting harder! So far on the whole I've not had to teach much that has challenged me and that I am not confident about. I do frequently laugh inside at the fact that I am teaching anybody maths and have solidified maths concepts in my own head let alone S's! However, particularly in Maths and English we are beginning to stray into territory that is out of my comfort zone and I can see that in not all that long a time I will need help!
2. Social skills:
By far I think this should be the area that I need to take most seriously. S has a lot to offer the world but if he cannot fit into the world then we have problems. He is in such a different place from when I took him out of school but I am very aware now of the areas where he needs so much help. For example, I met a friend of mine for lunch on Friday. S has been getting to know this friend too and feels comfortable with her. Before we left I suggested he might try to make conversation with her and you would have thought I was asking him to pull all her teeth out! He was horrified at the suggestion. S did chat through lunch but I couldn't help but notice how poor his eye contact was and how jumpy and edgy he was. After lunch the shop assistant commented on his football top and was very chatty about it. As she chatted away she commented that she didn't know why she was bothering as S was obviously not listening. S WAS listening but couldn't look at her. I never understood this part of autism until I went to the sensory seminar where they explained that it can actually be too painful for someone with autism to look straight on at someone. Imagine holding your hand above a candle. The normal reaction would to be to remove your hand as it started to burn because it would hurt. I suppose if eye contact is painful them it is no different here. S will be good with eye contact in a situation that he is very comfortable in (like his home) or somewhere very quiet or in a one-to-one but to be in a cafe, somewhere new with new tastes, sights, smells, sounds... that was pushing it to expect eye contact too! This though is my challenge. To help him to work out how to deal with this sort of situation without giving away that it's a real struggle for him and without raising any questions as to his coping. I actually think that this year these lessons will be far more valuable than anything I can teach him about mathematical or grammatical concepts.
So another week beckons. Getting out of the house twice was not enough for me last week. So, this week is full to the brim of structured times out and about. Can't wait! Hopefully S will be on good form to make this a good week.
It's been a positive start I am delighted to say! We have achieved a lot, there have been no raised voices and we have managed to leave the confines of the house twice this week! By Friday, hints of non-co-operation started to rear their ugly head but thankfully by that stage we had got through the bulk of the tasks for the week and so it was easy enough to keep S going.
I have been very aware this week of two things:
1.Academic jumps:
S is getting older and what he needs to learn is getting harder! So far on the whole I've not had to teach much that has challenged me and that I am not confident about. I do frequently laugh inside at the fact that I am teaching anybody maths and have solidified maths concepts in my own head let alone S's! However, particularly in Maths and English we are beginning to stray into territory that is out of my comfort zone and I can see that in not all that long a time I will need help!
2. Social skills:
By far I think this should be the area that I need to take most seriously. S has a lot to offer the world but if he cannot fit into the world then we have problems. He is in such a different place from when I took him out of school but I am very aware now of the areas where he needs so much help. For example, I met a friend of mine for lunch on Friday. S has been getting to know this friend too and feels comfortable with her. Before we left I suggested he might try to make conversation with her and you would have thought I was asking him to pull all her teeth out! He was horrified at the suggestion. S did chat through lunch but I couldn't help but notice how poor his eye contact was and how jumpy and edgy he was. After lunch the shop assistant commented on his football top and was very chatty about it. As she chatted away she commented that she didn't know why she was bothering as S was obviously not listening. S WAS listening but couldn't look at her. I never understood this part of autism until I went to the sensory seminar where they explained that it can actually be too painful for someone with autism to look straight on at someone. Imagine holding your hand above a candle. The normal reaction would to be to remove your hand as it started to burn because it would hurt. I suppose if eye contact is painful them it is no different here. S will be good with eye contact in a situation that he is very comfortable in (like his home) or somewhere very quiet or in a one-to-one but to be in a cafe, somewhere new with new tastes, sights, smells, sounds... that was pushing it to expect eye contact too! This though is my challenge. To help him to work out how to deal with this sort of situation without giving away that it's a real struggle for him and without raising any questions as to his coping. I actually think that this year these lessons will be far more valuable than anything I can teach him about mathematical or grammatical concepts.
So another week beckons. Getting out of the house twice was not enough for me last week. So, this week is full to the brim of structured times out and about. Can't wait! Hopefully S will be on good form to make this a good week.
Monday, 19 August 2013
Motivation and Lists...
Well, here we go again! Another term is about to kick off leading into a whole new academic year. Forgive me now for the ramble this may be but I have spent seven hours today planning work and my brain feels a little like a raided filing cabinet crying out for order!
This morning as I sat at the desk I have to admit a real feeling of dread! I love my son dearly (I hope that is evident and not something I have to spell out!) but the cost of home schooling a child in emotional terms, particularly last term, has been big and having had a break I am quite apprehensive about starting again and finding it all too much. However, today has been good! I did check facebook a ridiculous number of times in the first few hours! I'm not exactly sure what I expected to see as pretty much all the friends i have were using their time far more industriously than me but it was a distraction that was there. I rebuilt our lego calendar, I counted out the weeks and worked my way through all the mundane tasks I could think of. There were a few turning points that did help my day. Let me share:
Motivator Number 1:
Let all that you do be done in love. —1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV)
This was posted on Facebook by one of my favourite Christian songwriters. (See Facebook wasn't a complete and utter waste of time!) I was quite struck by this. Over the weekend I have felt quite challenged by the fact that as a stay at home mum quite often the temptation is to feel like a bit of a sponger from the world. My children are all pretty good at entertaining themselves now and I feel quite redundant a lot of the time. My days are endless rounds of tidying up, cooking, cleaning and doing various mundane jobs over and over again. My children often only come and see me when they've got an issue to resolve with a sibling, they are bored or they are hungry. On the very rare occasion they do come and chat to me just because they'd like to talk to me, but that is definitely the exception rather than the rule! So, at the stage my children are at the temptation is very big to seek out some other sort of "life satisfaction" and role. My frustration of late has been that whilst the kids are all that bit older they still do need me! None of them are old enough to be left on their own and what I have been learning is that the security in knowing that I am there at all is so important to them. With a bigger family, one of whom needs a fair bit more input than 'normal' we are still well and truly at the stage of it being a complete headache to try to find babysitters for even the most mundane activity. So, it can be an easy road to travel down of feeling resentful and frustrated. However, this verse sums up how I have been feeling! Instead of seeing the kids as obstacles in the way I need to realise and appreciate what God given gifts they are! I have 4 little personalities that love to be at home, love to be near me and love to talk (normally all at once). Those conversations about the various issues I need to cherish and make the most of rather than feel frustrated with. All that I do needs to be "motivated by love" not just the jobs that I do for people out with my family. Isn't it easier sometimes to give family 2nd best? So, homeschool has to be motivated by love! I love my son but more importantly I love The Lord who gave us the gift of a son! My attitude I need to constantly reassess in order not to lose my focus and this verse I think I will keep at our desk!
Motivator Number 2:
Every week or so I get a whole batch of emails from the National Autistic Society. Today was my mailing day and one was to help parents help their children get back into school. Just glancing through the list of difficulties was an immediate wake up call to me! Here were parents battling with all that we were before we took S out of school and far far worse. Whenever I feel frustrated about how home school affects ME if I think about how school affects S I can feel quite upset quickly! I really don't know how much in me is sheltering S from the inevitable realities of a world that doesn't cope with people who don't conform to its view of 'normal' but ultimately I feel a huge responsibility to shelter my son from a world that he doesn't understand and as yet doesn't have the strategies to cope with. In the day to day living we can so easily forget S is on the spectrum but every now and again are very much reminded. Even in this past week it has been very clear. Out of all 4 children S has by far been the most agitated about term starting again. Over busy times during the summer his aggression has built up and he has needed to have 'time out' completely from any other person. His anxiety levels at not knowing what is going on at any time can be huge to the extent that if I open the door to go out to the buckets he needs to know where I'm going and if I'll be back! (I really struggle with that!) S is so so clever at giving the impression he understands scenarios and situations and that he's coping but at times over the summer I have seen an expression of sheer terror in his face as noise levels have exceeded what he can cope with and as he has struggled to make sense of a situation. This little boy I couldn't bare to put back to school. I don't cope when he doesn't cope! I just want to cry! But yet, at this time in life I have the chance to give him a calm environment at home where he is safe and loved and I need to remember that that is a blessing and a motivator!
Sorry - this really is a ramble!! I will draw my thoughts to a conclusion!
I've decided and realised that lists are crucial to our progress this term. I've decided that for my sanity I will resort to a weekly meal plan. I did this when our twins were babies and it was great. It's a bit dull and means that if you ever visit us on a Monday you'll be eating macaroni and bacon, but it helps my head!! I've also updated apps so that S has a list of what he'll be doing on each day, a list of tasks, lists of holidays, lists of pretty much everything really. This should help make our days smoother and more structured. I'm going to make more of an effort to ensure we leave the house far more during the week, once for coffee for me, once for a trip for him and once for shopping needed. That should help my claustrophobia and hopefully help him to feel a bit more confident out and about.
Other than that life will carry on as usual. Family life is up in the air! We have no idea where our family will be living in a couple of months but know that we will not be here. That is definitely adding a little bit more spice into life! For those of you who are praying for us thank you so much again and may I ask you keep doing so. That would really be my motivator number 3 and means so so much! I couldn't do this without you!
This morning as I sat at the desk I have to admit a real feeling of dread! I love my son dearly (I hope that is evident and not something I have to spell out!) but the cost of home schooling a child in emotional terms, particularly last term, has been big and having had a break I am quite apprehensive about starting again and finding it all too much. However, today has been good! I did check facebook a ridiculous number of times in the first few hours! I'm not exactly sure what I expected to see as pretty much all the friends i have were using their time far more industriously than me but it was a distraction that was there. I rebuilt our lego calendar, I counted out the weeks and worked my way through all the mundane tasks I could think of. There were a few turning points that did help my day. Let me share:
Motivator Number 1:
Let all that you do be done in love. —1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV)
This was posted on Facebook by one of my favourite Christian songwriters. (See Facebook wasn't a complete and utter waste of time!) I was quite struck by this. Over the weekend I have felt quite challenged by the fact that as a stay at home mum quite often the temptation is to feel like a bit of a sponger from the world. My children are all pretty good at entertaining themselves now and I feel quite redundant a lot of the time. My days are endless rounds of tidying up, cooking, cleaning and doing various mundane jobs over and over again. My children often only come and see me when they've got an issue to resolve with a sibling, they are bored or they are hungry. On the very rare occasion they do come and chat to me just because they'd like to talk to me, but that is definitely the exception rather than the rule! So, at the stage my children are at the temptation is very big to seek out some other sort of "life satisfaction" and role. My frustration of late has been that whilst the kids are all that bit older they still do need me! None of them are old enough to be left on their own and what I have been learning is that the security in knowing that I am there at all is so important to them. With a bigger family, one of whom needs a fair bit more input than 'normal' we are still well and truly at the stage of it being a complete headache to try to find babysitters for even the most mundane activity. So, it can be an easy road to travel down of feeling resentful and frustrated. However, this verse sums up how I have been feeling! Instead of seeing the kids as obstacles in the way I need to realise and appreciate what God given gifts they are! I have 4 little personalities that love to be at home, love to be near me and love to talk (normally all at once). Those conversations about the various issues I need to cherish and make the most of rather than feel frustrated with. All that I do needs to be "motivated by love" not just the jobs that I do for people out with my family. Isn't it easier sometimes to give family 2nd best? So, homeschool has to be motivated by love! I love my son but more importantly I love The Lord who gave us the gift of a son! My attitude I need to constantly reassess in order not to lose my focus and this verse I think I will keep at our desk!
Motivator Number 2:
Every week or so I get a whole batch of emails from the National Autistic Society. Today was my mailing day and one was to help parents help their children get back into school. Just glancing through the list of difficulties was an immediate wake up call to me! Here were parents battling with all that we were before we took S out of school and far far worse. Whenever I feel frustrated about how home school affects ME if I think about how school affects S I can feel quite upset quickly! I really don't know how much in me is sheltering S from the inevitable realities of a world that doesn't cope with people who don't conform to its view of 'normal' but ultimately I feel a huge responsibility to shelter my son from a world that he doesn't understand and as yet doesn't have the strategies to cope with. In the day to day living we can so easily forget S is on the spectrum but every now and again are very much reminded. Even in this past week it has been very clear. Out of all 4 children S has by far been the most agitated about term starting again. Over busy times during the summer his aggression has built up and he has needed to have 'time out' completely from any other person. His anxiety levels at not knowing what is going on at any time can be huge to the extent that if I open the door to go out to the buckets he needs to know where I'm going and if I'll be back! (I really struggle with that!) S is so so clever at giving the impression he understands scenarios and situations and that he's coping but at times over the summer I have seen an expression of sheer terror in his face as noise levels have exceeded what he can cope with and as he has struggled to make sense of a situation. This little boy I couldn't bare to put back to school. I don't cope when he doesn't cope! I just want to cry! But yet, at this time in life I have the chance to give him a calm environment at home where he is safe and loved and I need to remember that that is a blessing and a motivator!
Sorry - this really is a ramble!! I will draw my thoughts to a conclusion!
I've decided and realised that lists are crucial to our progress this term. I've decided that for my sanity I will resort to a weekly meal plan. I did this when our twins were babies and it was great. It's a bit dull and means that if you ever visit us on a Monday you'll be eating macaroni and bacon, but it helps my head!! I've also updated apps so that S has a list of what he'll be doing on each day, a list of tasks, lists of holidays, lists of pretty much everything really. This should help make our days smoother and more structured. I'm going to make more of an effort to ensure we leave the house far more during the week, once for coffee for me, once for a trip for him and once for shopping needed. That should help my claustrophobia and hopefully help him to feel a bit more confident out and about.
Other than that life will carry on as usual. Family life is up in the air! We have no idea where our family will be living in a couple of months but know that we will not be here. That is definitely adding a little bit more spice into life! For those of you who are praying for us thank you so much again and may I ask you keep doing so. That would really be my motivator number 3 and means so so much! I couldn't do this without you!
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
Ever so slightly overwhelmed...
So, the holidays are nearly over. We needed a holiday so badly! We have benefitted from the holiday so much yet this year my enthusiasm for home school is really struggling!
After the positivity of the end of term assessments, S's success at the kids club in the summer and the many positive compliments folks have paid as to what a difference they see in S you would think I would be raring to go and full of new ideas and excitement. The truth is though that S is growing up! He has changed this summer and I'm so aware of my responsibility more than ever to equip him to cope with the 'big bad world' and all that it holds! As his confidence has grown so has his desire to fit in and I now feel the pressure of needing to help him to do this and hopefully not fail at the first hurdle! With the prospect of a move coming ever closer for our family S has started talking about returning to school. I have such mixed emotions about this! Home school has been so isolating for me the thought of having some freedom during school hours for even just a while is a lovely thought! Even to have the option to take on some sort of work that is not within the 4 walls of my house would be great. However, for S to go back to school means my teaching will come under major scrutiny and I'm not quite sure my confidence levels will cope with that! I can justify my teaching methods til I'm blue in the face! I could use endless educational jargon to talk about what we've done, how we've done it and why we've done what we've done but ultimately I know how cynical teachers can be (I was one after all!) and when it's only me to blame for S's education then there's no-one else to blame!!
So, my anxiety levels are fairly high! The other kids go back to school on Friday so that will be one of the 2 in service days I'm giving myself! I'm hoping that by absorbing myself back into planning my confidence will return and we will start the year with enthusiasm, energy and optimism!
After the positivity of the end of term assessments, S's success at the kids club in the summer and the many positive compliments folks have paid as to what a difference they see in S you would think I would be raring to go and full of new ideas and excitement. The truth is though that S is growing up! He has changed this summer and I'm so aware of my responsibility more than ever to equip him to cope with the 'big bad world' and all that it holds! As his confidence has grown so has his desire to fit in and I now feel the pressure of needing to help him to do this and hopefully not fail at the first hurdle! With the prospect of a move coming ever closer for our family S has started talking about returning to school. I have such mixed emotions about this! Home school has been so isolating for me the thought of having some freedom during school hours for even just a while is a lovely thought! Even to have the option to take on some sort of work that is not within the 4 walls of my house would be great. However, for S to go back to school means my teaching will come under major scrutiny and I'm not quite sure my confidence levels will cope with that! I can justify my teaching methods til I'm blue in the face! I could use endless educational jargon to talk about what we've done, how we've done it and why we've done what we've done but ultimately I know how cynical teachers can be (I was one after all!) and when it's only me to blame for S's education then there's no-one else to blame!!
So, my anxiety levels are fairly high! The other kids go back to school on Friday so that will be one of the 2 in service days I'm giving myself! I'm hoping that by absorbing myself back into planning my confidence will return and we will start the year with enthusiasm, energy and optimism!
Saturday, 20 July 2013
Affirmations for the NED - review part 2
I meant to write long before now, as a conclusion to our year but time has run away from me and this is the first time I've really had a minute to jot down some thoughts.
Since I last wrote two things have happened that have been a huge encouragement to me and to S also. Before that, why NED? Well, S's dad one night was playing a word association game with the boys. Amongst other words, one of the words was "mum". Quick as a flash S came out with "Non Educated Delinquent" to which dad and big brother fell about laughing! This has now stuck! In my more fragile moments its not the best title to be labelled with and yes it would have been nice if almost any other adjective more commonly associated with mums was used but then the rational side of me likes the banter and remembers that S has not a deliberately nasty bone in his body and wouldn't for one minute intend any hurt! So, NED I seem now to be!!
So, encouragements...
In the past year I have been involved with planning an event for Christian women. One of the other girls on the committee is a retired head teacher. I didn't really realise this until fairly recently and joked one night that if she would like to have a wee reminder of teaching then at any time she would be welcome to teach S. to cut a long story short, S spent a couple of hours with her being assessed on his reading and his maths. This has in so many ways been an encouragement for me. To be honest I was slightly apprehensive having S assessed! What a nightmare if he had regressed!! S was last assessed 3 months before I took on the responsibility for his education. He did well in the assessments - phew!! Not only that but to hear him chatting away to my friend and co-operating with someone who really was a complete stranger to him at that point was brilliant.
That confidence has grown even since then. We have just come back from holiday. Each year we go to a big convention with 4000 people. As part of this there is a great kids programme which is split into various age groups. This was our 7th year there. Up until now S has never coped well with it and opted out midweek. We never want to force the kids when they are on holiday to do something like this but alongside that we are more aware than ever of the fact that because I have S at home with me all the time now I really don't get any time out. The time the kids are at the clubs is a rare breather for me. For S's age group the club is full of things 8-11 year old kids love, games, gunge, lots of fun, alongside more quiet activities too. As you might imagine though that with gunge comes hyper kids and a lot of noise. This has been the major stumbling block for S for the past few years. Throughout the year S has spoken about the club and made it his aim to overcome some of his difficulties. Well, the boy did well! He went to every single session and loved it!! His granny gave him some ear plugs which he used once a session but he came back so happy each day. One day, his leader did say he was not on great form and did write on a post it note "Do Not Disturb" which he then stuck to his face! But other than that he was great. I am so so happy for him. The sense of achievement for S is enormous! He could feel part of things for the first time and thanks to the commitment of the leaders, his one-to-one and S himself he will remember this year for a long time!
So big achievements and encouragements as we step onto the threshold of a new year. I think not just S needs to start the year positively but I do to and reflect on just how far we have come. To see him so happy last week gives me hope that one day in the not too distant future he might be reintegrated into a school and be able to access the many things that kids in general completely take for granted.
Since I last wrote two things have happened that have been a huge encouragement to me and to S also. Before that, why NED? Well, S's dad one night was playing a word association game with the boys. Amongst other words, one of the words was "mum". Quick as a flash S came out with "Non Educated Delinquent" to which dad and big brother fell about laughing! This has now stuck! In my more fragile moments its not the best title to be labelled with and yes it would have been nice if almost any other adjective more commonly associated with mums was used but then the rational side of me likes the banter and remembers that S has not a deliberately nasty bone in his body and wouldn't for one minute intend any hurt! So, NED I seem now to be!!
So, encouragements...
In the past year I have been involved with planning an event for Christian women. One of the other girls on the committee is a retired head teacher. I didn't really realise this until fairly recently and joked one night that if she would like to have a wee reminder of teaching then at any time she would be welcome to teach S. to cut a long story short, S spent a couple of hours with her being assessed on his reading and his maths. This has in so many ways been an encouragement for me. To be honest I was slightly apprehensive having S assessed! What a nightmare if he had regressed!! S was last assessed 3 months before I took on the responsibility for his education. He did well in the assessments - phew!! Not only that but to hear him chatting away to my friend and co-operating with someone who really was a complete stranger to him at that point was brilliant.
That confidence has grown even since then. We have just come back from holiday. Each year we go to a big convention with 4000 people. As part of this there is a great kids programme which is split into various age groups. This was our 7th year there. Up until now S has never coped well with it and opted out midweek. We never want to force the kids when they are on holiday to do something like this but alongside that we are more aware than ever of the fact that because I have S at home with me all the time now I really don't get any time out. The time the kids are at the clubs is a rare breather for me. For S's age group the club is full of things 8-11 year old kids love, games, gunge, lots of fun, alongside more quiet activities too. As you might imagine though that with gunge comes hyper kids and a lot of noise. This has been the major stumbling block for S for the past few years. Throughout the year S has spoken about the club and made it his aim to overcome some of his difficulties. Well, the boy did well! He went to every single session and loved it!! His granny gave him some ear plugs which he used once a session but he came back so happy each day. One day, his leader did say he was not on great form and did write on a post it note "Do Not Disturb" which he then stuck to his face! But other than that he was great. I am so so happy for him. The sense of achievement for S is enormous! He could feel part of things for the first time and thanks to the commitment of the leaders, his one-to-one and S himself he will remember this year for a long time!
So big achievements and encouragements as we step onto the threshold of a new year. I think not just S needs to start the year positively but I do to and reflect on just how far we have come. To see him so happy last week gives me hope that one day in the not too distant future he might be reintegrated into a school and be able to access the many things that kids in general completely take for granted.
Thursday, 6 June 2013
A year's review...part 1
You'll be noticing the posts are beginning to tail off as the end of the school year fast approaches. We are so much needing our holidays! Both S and I are tired and concentration levels are sketchy at the best of times.
As the school year ends its always a good time to reflect on the year as a whole. My husband and I never intended home schooling to be something we would do forever and we both felt it was going to be important to review it term by term. So here's my honest review!
Are we still glad to be home educating S?
For S:
Absolutely! We now have a happy son! We no longer have a stressed out boy but a peaceful one. S's confidence in himself is growing day by day now. His conversation at home has been transformed. Often at the dinner table, for example, he is the life and soul of the family, full of chat and jokes. Through the home ed network S has made a brilliant friend which has also been such a joy. These two boys have such fun together and there is a freedom with both of them that I love to watch that is found in the home ed community. Neither of them have a pressure to conform. Neither of them have a nasty streak in their bodies! They are both quiet boys by nature and just love to play! It has been so special watching their friendship grow and to see S make a genuine friend of his own for the first time has been amazing!
Academically I think it's been good! This one's a tricky one to gauge as having had S out of the system for almost two years I am aware it's very much me to blame now and not the system!! I definitely see signs of progress. S's ability to cope with mistakes is improving. I suppose that might seem a little strange to approach academic progress by looking at mistakes but I think it is a crucial aspect of learning. For S a lot of learning is going to be about developing strategies to work life out. For him what is second nature to us will take quite an effort. For example, he has memory difficulties. So, to learn his times tables is a tricky thing. How is he to quickly work out prices in a shop if his memory is to let home down? On a social level, we learn as we grow, the natural way to interact with other people from a basic level of knowing how to greet someone or speak to them on the phone. This is not intuitive at all for S and so something I see very much as part of his education. These are the things that I feel we can tackle in home school. Living independently is something I really hope S can do in the long run. Not at all because I want shot of him but I want him to have the same opportunities as I had and the chance to develop into his own person. This might seem a strange point under academic progress but this past term we have worked on S being able to make his own lunch, make healthy choices, be responsible for clearing up and helping and then also encouraging personal hygiene. Again, having the flexibility of the day is great for all of this, when the other 3 children are away and the pressure is off. So in many ways, maybe unconventionally there has been progress. Next time hopefully I will be able to update on more conventional academic progress.
For me:
As a mum watching the difference in S makes it ultimately all worthwhile. Personally for many many reasons this has been one of the toughest years of my life and my husband and I are very aware of the contribution that home schooling makes to making things difficult. I constantly struggle in my head now with the fact that whilst I know home school is doing S good it quite possibly is having the opposite effect on me. The basic problem is the isolation involved. No matter how we structure things we are in quite a lot. After almost 2 years I still haven't managed to strike the correct balance between teaching S, keeping on top of the housework and keeping up socialising. If home school wasn't making such an obvious difference to S I think I would have to return him to school. To do so just now though would break my heart as he's quite simply too precious to put back into the lion's den! Are my motives wrong? I need to make sure I constantly assess what I am doing with him. I think it would be wrong to home school for my piece of mind and not for his welfare and I need to continually check whether that is what I am doing. S and I have very different personalities. I thrive on being with people and being busy. He thrives on quietness and being alone!
As a family we are in a big time of change and over the next few months we are about to see major changes in our family life. I think home school for next year will have to change too. Whether the time has come to now look perhaps at part time schooling or trying to formally involve other people into his routine to try to help me, I'm not yet sure but am keen to pursue options. The school holidays are a very welcome break for us both and I'm hoping a time to re-energise a very tired teaching mummy! And in the midst of all this I have one twin who I think is shaping up to long to be home schooled! Therein lies a whole new dilemma!! Can we as parents only offer this to one child and not the others? I honestly don't think I could do it with more than one and have huge respect from my fellow home school mums who teach all their children!
So that's review one. Any comments are very much appreciated! Take it as an appraisal opportunity. Maybe you think we should pull the plug or maybe you've got some solution to some of the dilemmas! Either way I'd love you to share your thoughts.
As the school year ends its always a good time to reflect on the year as a whole. My husband and I never intended home schooling to be something we would do forever and we both felt it was going to be important to review it term by term. So here's my honest review!
Are we still glad to be home educating S?
For S:
Absolutely! We now have a happy son! We no longer have a stressed out boy but a peaceful one. S's confidence in himself is growing day by day now. His conversation at home has been transformed. Often at the dinner table, for example, he is the life and soul of the family, full of chat and jokes. Through the home ed network S has made a brilliant friend which has also been such a joy. These two boys have such fun together and there is a freedom with both of them that I love to watch that is found in the home ed community. Neither of them have a pressure to conform. Neither of them have a nasty streak in their bodies! They are both quiet boys by nature and just love to play! It has been so special watching their friendship grow and to see S make a genuine friend of his own for the first time has been amazing!
Academically I think it's been good! This one's a tricky one to gauge as having had S out of the system for almost two years I am aware it's very much me to blame now and not the system!! I definitely see signs of progress. S's ability to cope with mistakes is improving. I suppose that might seem a little strange to approach academic progress by looking at mistakes but I think it is a crucial aspect of learning. For S a lot of learning is going to be about developing strategies to work life out. For him what is second nature to us will take quite an effort. For example, he has memory difficulties. So, to learn his times tables is a tricky thing. How is he to quickly work out prices in a shop if his memory is to let home down? On a social level, we learn as we grow, the natural way to interact with other people from a basic level of knowing how to greet someone or speak to them on the phone. This is not intuitive at all for S and so something I see very much as part of his education. These are the things that I feel we can tackle in home school. Living independently is something I really hope S can do in the long run. Not at all because I want shot of him but I want him to have the same opportunities as I had and the chance to develop into his own person. This might seem a strange point under academic progress but this past term we have worked on S being able to make his own lunch, make healthy choices, be responsible for clearing up and helping and then also encouraging personal hygiene. Again, having the flexibility of the day is great for all of this, when the other 3 children are away and the pressure is off. So in many ways, maybe unconventionally there has been progress. Next time hopefully I will be able to update on more conventional academic progress.
For me:
As a mum watching the difference in S makes it ultimately all worthwhile. Personally for many many reasons this has been one of the toughest years of my life and my husband and I are very aware of the contribution that home schooling makes to making things difficult. I constantly struggle in my head now with the fact that whilst I know home school is doing S good it quite possibly is having the opposite effect on me. The basic problem is the isolation involved. No matter how we structure things we are in quite a lot. After almost 2 years I still haven't managed to strike the correct balance between teaching S, keeping on top of the housework and keeping up socialising. If home school wasn't making such an obvious difference to S I think I would have to return him to school. To do so just now though would break my heart as he's quite simply too precious to put back into the lion's den! Are my motives wrong? I need to make sure I constantly assess what I am doing with him. I think it would be wrong to home school for my piece of mind and not for his welfare and I need to continually check whether that is what I am doing. S and I have very different personalities. I thrive on being with people and being busy. He thrives on quietness and being alone!
As a family we are in a big time of change and over the next few months we are about to see major changes in our family life. I think home school for next year will have to change too. Whether the time has come to now look perhaps at part time schooling or trying to formally involve other people into his routine to try to help me, I'm not yet sure but am keen to pursue options. The school holidays are a very welcome break for us both and I'm hoping a time to re-energise a very tired teaching mummy! And in the midst of all this I have one twin who I think is shaping up to long to be home schooled! Therein lies a whole new dilemma!! Can we as parents only offer this to one child and not the others? I honestly don't think I could do it with more than one and have huge respect from my fellow home school mums who teach all their children!
So that's review one. Any comments are very much appreciated! Take it as an appraisal opportunity. Maybe you think we should pull the plug or maybe you've got some solution to some of the dilemmas! Either way I'd love you to share your thoughts.
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Fight or Flight
After the positivity of my last post the last week or so has been a real struggle! I have been totally distracted by things going on in life out with home school and have to admit that my mind simply isn't on the job! With a child like S this isn't a recipe for success! He needs direction, structure and routine. If I am not on the ball then he makes the most of that and disappears off quite happy to be escaping any sort of formal work. My resilience is very low just now to deal with any lack of co-operation and instead of fight my flight instinct is well and truly in operation just now. My house badly needs some attention, I have a list of chore building up and I have lost any motivation just now. Not so positive then!
I've decided therefore to chuck out the lesson plans for the remainder of the term and radically rethink what we will do. We are potentially going to adopt a tortoise so I'm thinking a wee project on tortoises could be in order. I think we might do 4 wee mini projects for the remainder of the term. It doesn't really sit right with me not to neatly finish off the workbooks that we could do but something needs to happen to kick start us both into action.
So - not a very inspiring blog today but this is the nitty gritty of home ed, in the midst of a busy family life. We are both longing for the holidays and a wee break and by the end of the summer I'm really hopeful that some of the distractions in my head might be a thing of the past and my fight instinct will be back!
I've decided therefore to chuck out the lesson plans for the remainder of the term and radically rethink what we will do. We are potentially going to adopt a tortoise so I'm thinking a wee project on tortoises could be in order. I think we might do 4 wee mini projects for the remainder of the term. It doesn't really sit right with me not to neatly finish off the workbooks that we could do but something needs to happen to kick start us both into action.
So - not a very inspiring blog today but this is the nitty gritty of home ed, in the midst of a busy family life. We are both longing for the holidays and a wee break and by the end of the summer I'm really hopeful that some of the distractions in my head might be a thing of the past and my fight instinct will be back!
Friday, 10 May 2013
Getting goosebumps!
Today was a such a fab day! Well, when I talk about day I'm really talking about a very special 10 minutes!
Our morning was very normal getting through our normal tasks of mental maths, spelling, reading and grammar work. S also then attempted a maths assessment which I guessed he would do badly at! I knew fine well he wouldn't bother trying to work out any of the questions properly and indeed that's what happened. I told him this at the end and he'll be repeating it again properly on Monday! Tough love hasn't given up yet ;)
Our reading book just now is one of the Oxford Reading Tree books, "The Will of the People" and is set in Ancient Greece in 454BC so has introduced the whole topic of Greek Myths and Legends. I had to study this when I was 12 when part of our curriculum was to learn Greek (quite incredible to think that now!) and actually really enjoyed it. To start off looking further into it I got a DVD on Odysseus which introduces some of the more famous stories in cartoon form.
So, this afternoon we started to watch. We have in other work been looking at the old and new covenants in the Bible and looking at the tabernacle and the temple so I was a little concerned introducing gods and goddesses would have confused S. As we watched I gave small commentaries to help S to follow who was who. After a couple of the mini stories S asked to pause the DVD so that he could speak to me. So I did. Then completely out of the blue S asked me, "What happened to all the people who died before Jesus died on the cross?" This was then followed by a conversation including questions from him such as, "Why did God make us so that we could sin?", "Why did God not just stop us from sinning?", "Why did God not just kill us?", "So, if Adam and Eve hadn't sinned then would we not have pain?", "Why do we die?" and then some more... What a conversation! It was amazing! What makes it even more amazing is the fact that for the last few weeks I have been asking some of these very questions myself! I have been a Christian for about 25 years, I have studied theology at uni and read many many books but some of these questions I have never found answers for and recently they have come back to really intrigue me! Various life experiences recently have led me to really want to delve deeper into my faith and try to understand the God I love more. For some, I think they think I'm never going to find answers and that to ask some of these questions is futile and that I should be satisfied to accept I will never find answers but I just can't do that! Of course there are some questions I will never know answers to such as, "when will Jesus return" or "what will I be doing in heaven?" But I really do think that we have been given minds that can grasp some of the other questions if we are willing to look.
So, I've been reading lots, listening to podcasts, discussing with friends and compiling a list of more questions as they come up! I've been really enjoying a book by Norman Geisler called, "If God, Why Evil?". It has been fantastic and has totally scratched where I itch! It has answered so many of my questions and has made me think. Then today S's questions came! If he had asked me these questions even one week ago I would have been stumped and would have had to say, "I don't know" over and over again! Please don't get me wrong, I don't at all think its wrong to say I don't know to any questions a child asks and I don't for one minute think I have worked everything out! My understanding of these things is totally in its infancy but it was so so exciting to share with S that I had been asking these very same questions and to explain some of the answers. So we chatted about free will and what that means and how we are free to love but free to reject God too. We discussed a Father's love for his children and how that works out in allowing us freedom. We discussed original sin and whether or not we would have done the same. We discussed so much even to the level of would there be electricity in heaven so that we wouldn't have to charge the tablet to keep playing minecraft!!! (That was a reminder it was a child I was discussing with!!!) what a chat! For me it immediately gave me the assurance that I hadn't been wasting my time looking at all these questions! For a child on the autistic spectrum it was more than amazing. Here we were speaking about things unseen and his eye contact was amazing! When we talked about meeting God for the first time he gave the smile he gives only when he is genuinely excited and happy about something. That's when we talked about goosebumps! Admittedly explaining goosebumps to somebody with sensory perception disorder is maybe not ideal - he maybe thinks that's torture!!! But I have goosebumps even thinking about our chat. To see the penny drop when learning about a maths concept or an English concept is one thing but to share the moment when spiritual eyes are opened with my child is just amazing! What a gift!
So, a long post but for me a very special post and one I wanted to share. Next week might be grim and moments like this don't come along everyday so I thought it was worth recording and sharing.
Our morning was very normal getting through our normal tasks of mental maths, spelling, reading and grammar work. S also then attempted a maths assessment which I guessed he would do badly at! I knew fine well he wouldn't bother trying to work out any of the questions properly and indeed that's what happened. I told him this at the end and he'll be repeating it again properly on Monday! Tough love hasn't given up yet ;)
Our reading book just now is one of the Oxford Reading Tree books, "The Will of the People" and is set in Ancient Greece in 454BC so has introduced the whole topic of Greek Myths and Legends. I had to study this when I was 12 when part of our curriculum was to learn Greek (quite incredible to think that now!) and actually really enjoyed it. To start off looking further into it I got a DVD on Odysseus which introduces some of the more famous stories in cartoon form.
So, this afternoon we started to watch. We have in other work been looking at the old and new covenants in the Bible and looking at the tabernacle and the temple so I was a little concerned introducing gods and goddesses would have confused S. As we watched I gave small commentaries to help S to follow who was who. After a couple of the mini stories S asked to pause the DVD so that he could speak to me. So I did. Then completely out of the blue S asked me, "What happened to all the people who died before Jesus died on the cross?" This was then followed by a conversation including questions from him such as, "Why did God make us so that we could sin?", "Why did God not just stop us from sinning?", "Why did God not just kill us?", "So, if Adam and Eve hadn't sinned then would we not have pain?", "Why do we die?" and then some more... What a conversation! It was amazing! What makes it even more amazing is the fact that for the last few weeks I have been asking some of these very questions myself! I have been a Christian for about 25 years, I have studied theology at uni and read many many books but some of these questions I have never found answers for and recently they have come back to really intrigue me! Various life experiences recently have led me to really want to delve deeper into my faith and try to understand the God I love more. For some, I think they think I'm never going to find answers and that to ask some of these questions is futile and that I should be satisfied to accept I will never find answers but I just can't do that! Of course there are some questions I will never know answers to such as, "when will Jesus return" or "what will I be doing in heaven?" But I really do think that we have been given minds that can grasp some of the other questions if we are willing to look.
So, I've been reading lots, listening to podcasts, discussing with friends and compiling a list of more questions as they come up! I've been really enjoying a book by Norman Geisler called, "If God, Why Evil?". It has been fantastic and has totally scratched where I itch! It has answered so many of my questions and has made me think. Then today S's questions came! If he had asked me these questions even one week ago I would have been stumped and would have had to say, "I don't know" over and over again! Please don't get me wrong, I don't at all think its wrong to say I don't know to any questions a child asks and I don't for one minute think I have worked everything out! My understanding of these things is totally in its infancy but it was so so exciting to share with S that I had been asking these very same questions and to explain some of the answers. So we chatted about free will and what that means and how we are free to love but free to reject God too. We discussed a Father's love for his children and how that works out in allowing us freedom. We discussed original sin and whether or not we would have done the same. We discussed so much even to the level of would there be electricity in heaven so that we wouldn't have to charge the tablet to keep playing minecraft!!! (That was a reminder it was a child I was discussing with!!!) what a chat! For me it immediately gave me the assurance that I hadn't been wasting my time looking at all these questions! For a child on the autistic spectrum it was more than amazing. Here we were speaking about things unseen and his eye contact was amazing! When we talked about meeting God for the first time he gave the smile he gives only when he is genuinely excited and happy about something. That's when we talked about goosebumps! Admittedly explaining goosebumps to somebody with sensory perception disorder is maybe not ideal - he maybe thinks that's torture!!! But I have goosebumps even thinking about our chat. To see the penny drop when learning about a maths concept or an English concept is one thing but to share the moment when spiritual eyes are opened with my child is just amazing! What a gift!
So, a long post but for me a very special post and one I wanted to share. Next week might be grim and moments like this don't come along everyday so I thought it was worth recording and sharing.
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Tough Love
This week may well have been a watershed for us. Let me explain. Alongside Aspergers S has elements of something known in shorthand as "PDA". This is Pathological Demand Avoidance and explained very crudely means that S has a strong reaction to any demand at all being placed on him. In reality it's like having a child stuck at the three year old temper tantrum stage where if the child doesn't want to do something he certainly makes that very plain for all to see and hear about. With S this is mixed up with his Aspergers and then on top of that is the fact that he is a 9 year old boy with firm ideas in his head! With PDA you quickly realise how many demands can be made in any one day. From getting dressed, to keeping hygienic at the very basic level all the way through the day to brushing teeth at the end of the day and going to bed. You can imagine therefore the fun and games that persist when it comes to home school time.
I've had enough! To have a constant running battle with the child you love is very exhausting. I love my son dearly and to be constantly battled with is soul destroying. Often after a morning of moans and groans (and that is putting it politely!) I'm often ready for a dark room. S forgets all about it immediately. That is a gift in itself!
Yesterday, as usual the time came for home school. We rarely start first thing. I always need a little time to sort things out after the chaos of getting the other 3 kids out to school and know fine well that to start S straight away without any time on his own would be counter productive. So, we started just after 10 with mental maths as usual. You would think I was asking S to do 300 sums in 2 minutes! We struggled through that and then moved onto spelling. That's when I really had had enough! The moaning wasn't anything out of the ordinary but the dripping tap effect was grating on my nerves so much!! I've felt so challenged about how I come across to my children in the house. As a Christian family we feel its important to love each other just as much inside the house as we would want to love other people outside of the house. In the house with moaning and whining children can be one of the first places to lose the rag and forget all about love, patience, peace, kindness, gentleness or self control! I am trying hard! I certainly am a work in progress and teaching S day by day certainly keeps my feet firmly on the ground - if not feeling stuck in the mud!! With all this in mind I explained to S that I could feel myself getting very angry and frustrated and that I didn't want to shout as that did neither him nor I any good. I told him that he would now have to complete the task on his own as I was not willing to sit and work with him whilst his attitude was so negative. (I did know that this task was straight forward!) This task should have taken him 5 minutes, 10 at the most. An hour later he finished! It honestly was like pulling teeth!! He was not a happy chap! It was murder to listen to and several times I could have stepped in and helped him. But you know what? He finished it all by himself! I was amazed!
The rest of the day went well. We worked through our other tasks quickly and without problems (which to be fair normally does happen once he gets the moaning out of his system).
I did wonder whether yesterday would have made a difference at all. We can go through huge dramas one day that he forgets and have to repeat all over again the next. Well what a shock I got today. When I said it was time for home school he came, sat down and completed his mental maths with not one word of complaint. He then worked through his spelling and his maths workbook without moaning! He even pointed out to me that he has noticed that if he doesn't moan he gets through the work faster! I kid you not that is the first day in 19.5 months of home school that he hasn't moaned! It was bliss!! I'm not naive enough to think that he will never moan again and this tough love is going to be here to stay otherwise home school will have to end. But if today is the start of something new I would not only be so happy but so so so relieved!
Tuesday, 30 April 2013
Sensory awareness
Last night I went to a seminar on sensory awareness and how it affects people on the autistic spectrum. Ironically one of my memories of the night will be the constant whirring of the projector and the stark lighting highlighting to me my own sensory issues! It was a good night (if long - from 5:00-9:30 at night!) and once again helped me to understand S so much more as he perfectly fit into most of the classic categories for sensory perception difficulties. It was suggested we imagined sitting in a room on a broken stool, at a wobbly table, with the radio untuned on in the background with shoes on that are a size too small wearing a scratchy shirt whilst having the after taste of sardines mixed with coffee in our mouths. That, it was suggested is the bombardment on the senses it can be akin to when you are on the spectrum. Whilst folks not on the spectrum can intuitively block out senses people with ASD struggle to do this. Eye contact can be physically painful as can be slight touch or sounds. The same day however can result in a need for deep touch which only hours earlier could have tipped the balance. It really was interesting but also reassuring that we are doing the right things with S.
The biggest thing I will take from the evening is that if I can help it at all there is no way S will be returning to school! Circumstances may change for us at some point and finances don't flow but really having heard most of the sensory challenges that face a child on the spectrum an overwhelming number of them were school related! It was such a relief to hear of all the things we have eliminated for S in an already tricky world! It's given me the encouragement I needed at a good time to persevere and to plod on! On that note we are having a bit of an impromptu inservice day. I need to get planning ahead as the day to day approach is not really working and leads to too much "dead" time.
Friday, 26 April 2013
We've got that Friday feeling!
We really both have that Friday feeling!! The sun is out (well, intermittently anyway) and the weekend is fast approaching and motivation has disappeared! Days like this in home ed are still a bit of a dilemma to me. The trained teacher in me wants to persevere with my plan, complete the week "properly" and not give in to the strong desire to down tools and go do something else. The mummy in me however is seeing a tired boy and a tired mummy paying lip service to education today and thinking that rather than sitting at the desk in body only we should call it a day and head out. In fact, just writing this I think we might just do that!
We have had a productive week. We have completed our second full maths workbook of th academic year. For me, this gives me a huge sense of achievement as S's teacher. When he started home ed I ad to backtrack on where the school had said he was. We have now more than caught up I think and are ready to start p6 work almost a full term early :) Englsh is not so secure but working with a child with specific language difficulties presents daily challenges and my aim is to instil in S a love of stories (not reading necessarily but just enjoying losing himself in a different world!) and also an ability to use writing to get through life! We will struggle on with spelling and grammar! In topic our Earthwormery has produced another wee worm so S now keeps an eye on the worm wry, watering and feeding which is good for him to have a bi of responsibility. We started looking at "computers" learning what a CPU is and what RAM is and when the first computer was invented. I am completely out of my depth here!!! We did move on to learn how to format a document with a picture in it so that was fun. Other than at we have continued with our bible study on Abraham and looked at the concept of "covenant" this week which was good and we had really interesting conversations around that and following God's promises through the Old Testament and seeing them being fulfilled. We have also started to write a story about superheroes that we will write together. I have made up a superhero and S has made up two. Together we will write about their adventures and eventually make a wee movie or comic! Finally, yesterday we wen on a great 5 mile walk with friends. We are pulling back a wee bit on home ed network activities as S is struggling with them but will keep on meeting with our friends and we had a great day yesterday at Dumfries House. S was shattered at the end.
So, actually, we've done quite a lot this week so I think we can with a clear conscience head to the shops :)
Thursday, 18 April 2013
Simple Solutions
So term is underway! S has kicked the term off in predictable fashion of complete lack of co-operation which challenges my new found optimism no end but so far he's not destroyed that! Really he needs to read the blog and keep up with my thinking! Lol! If only it were that simple.
Anyway, after a very gentle ease in baking yesterday and planning the term we properly got back into the maths, English and more formal learning today. Overall it was. Good day. He wasn't co-operative and was very grumpy with himself at any mistakes he made but by the end of our morning we had achieved quite a lot.
We nearly had a meltdown during maths at something very simple. Before Christmas we learnt about net shapes and made up several 3d shapes using their nets made out of paper. Knowing that the topic would come back I kept our shapes and they have been gathering dust nicely up on our home school shelves. (Completely ignored for the duration by S may I add). Well today our task was to identify the base of open cube nets. So, I opened up our cube and cut the net into the 6 squares so that we could form the 8 different nets needed. Well you would have thought I was cutting up one of his favourite toys! He was gutted! This is one of those moments where I find it really difficult to not lose my patience! Apparently autistic children often think inanimate objects have feelings. Perhaps that is what was going on. Who knows but another reminder of how something simple can transform the day!
A better experience was during our English time when we looked at our Abraham workbook. This involves flicking back and forwards in the book a lot which is not great for S to keep up with. I downloaded the version of the Bible onto the iPad and what a difference! The version I found is great and if you touch the verse you are looking at it highlights it. Perfect for S and even he admitted what a difference the Bible app made to his enjoyment of studying Abraham. So, a simple solution to one problem anyway.
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Philosophy and worms!
I would hazard a guess that most folks won't generally warm to a blog with this title! In fact, no doubt lots of people won't read any further but believe it or not I'm very excited about the fact that we've got worms!
Last term we set up an earthwormery. S really enjoyed the process of ordering the eggs himself, filling in all the forms online and waiting for them to come. To me to be totally honest I was more excited at using up the earthwormery I'd ordered ages ago and clearing out another space in the house! S has started a wee diary of the earthwormery and dutifully filled it all in. That must have been about 6 weeks ago. I was convinced we'd killed them all off!! As the eggs gathered foost and the signs of life inside the eggs seemed to die off I was trying to work out some way of telling S it was all over! Children with Asperger's don't cope well with throwing things away or things dying or breaking (well S certainly doesn't) and this seemingly great idea was looking like going completely pear shaped! However, last night to much excitement S's dad announced that we had a worm!
This worm to me is significant! Last term was a struggle. I didn't enjoy home school! My heart was not in it and it seemed a long term! It's amazing how quickly a bitterness can build up and it's not very easy to contain that! The seeming death of our earthwormery reflected to me how I felt about things. The temptation to throw it out and be done with it was strong! Yet we have a worm! The Easter holidays have been a very significant time for me to reflect, read, pray and reassess life! That might sound all a bit philosophical and it is! With all sorts going on in our family life to do with health, career, house, future, everything really it would have been hard not to get quite philosophical! I can thankfully say this time for me has been so valuable and turned around what was a growing bitterness into a hopeful (much humbled) new start! Does that make sense? This little worm to me signifies a new start for us in home school. What looked dead and hopeless has suddenly had a new chance! Term officially started today. A very kind friend (S's leader at church) offered to take S for the day which was so kind! Tomorrow we will begin "work" properly with a new attitude (well from mum anyway!)
Carrying on the philosophical thread... Recently I have been aware how much of a learning curve life is for S's siblings. More and more they are beginning to notice things that S just cannot cope with and are learning where their input can either help or hinder. S's brother came into the kitchen the other day and asked if there was one thing I could ask for in the world what would it be. I replied that I'd like Jesus to return. He replied, "Mum, would you not like S not to have Aspergers anymore?". Gosh! Do you know if someone had asked me that 18 months ago I would have said, "Yes!" no question. If someone had asked if I'd have liked S to be born without all the difficulties he has had I woul have said yes no problem. Just now if someone offered to take away all the tricky bits of life there is a huge temptation to say yes. But do you know, I realised when I answered my son that things have changed a lot. I told him that no I didn't wish for S not to have Aspergers as that is who S is. I said that really what we should ask to change is us! We need to learn to love S more and more for who he is and accept him. God has given S to our family because we are the ones to love him the most. I've reflected over my son's question so much since he asked it. It's made me realise how selfish we as humans can be. I'm not for one minute accusing my son of that! He is a child, naturally making sense of a pretty massive issue in our family life. As adults though it's made me think how much we want to change things to fit into our own mould of how things should be. I think that is quite possibly the route of my bitterness last term. S doesn't like being out and about in unknown situations. Noise bothers him. People asking him lots of questions bothers him. Making sense of situations bothers him. I no doubt bother him. That all bothers me! Instead of wanting to change him my job as a mum is to love him more and more each day. I've got a God who loves me so much despite all the things I constantly do which no doubt upset and hurt Him!
Phew, this is getting a bit deep! I promise my blog entries will return to some sort of mundane educational lesson descriptions! I should go now actually and plan the next few days/weeks. All this optimism and new attitude could come crashing down if I am not one step ahead of my boy!
Thursday, 4 April 2013
Contentment
Ok s my blog posts could be like buses! None for months and then 2 close together! I wanted to share about our day yesterday. I've written before about our trips to the farm and all our escapades. Well, yesterday as it is the school holidays I took all 4 kids down to the farm and we had such a brilliant day! Not only did we see the chickens, the lambs, the cows being milked and have a play in the farm but we were shown the egg sorting machine, explained about what was about to happen to all the chickens (which exposed our non farming minds to all sorts!) and we got to feed the lambs. S was absolutely in his element. I rarely see him happier! Not only to be out in the fresh air but to be sharing one of his favourite places with his siblings made for a very happy wee boy. His big brother struggled to share in this passion but I think it was so good for them to see S just so happy and free. Real contentment!
Meanwhile I'm always constantly amazed at my friend's contentment too. She has 7 kids, is a farmer's wife and gets no time to herself yet radiates peace and contentment! She doesn't have to look far for things that could stress her but has such a deep faith that permeates everything! I asked her if she ever gets fed up with the mundane yesterday and I don't think she ever does. I think my question highlighted more to me a lack of contentment I didn't actually realise was there in myself! I was challenged in that alone! To spend a day with such folks is always so good and to see S so happy is a gift!
Ironically, I'm writing a post about contentment at 6:00 in the morning! My other half and I have been awake for ages! I just found this quote which sums up the feelings of present insomnia. Perhaps with more contentment would come less 4 am secrets!!!
“The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets.” Poppy Z Brite
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
Character building for both!
A whole term has passed now and I've not been blogging at all! I'm so aware of how much I can write about the last term and how much I could bore everyone so will attempt to give a picture of our past term and where we are now. Be prepared for a long one!!!!
We've now home schooled for 18 months! I can't actually believe that it has been so long. A couple of folks recently have started asking how we went about home schooling because they are thinking about doing it too. When I reflect on our journey I am quite amazed at our path! If I am being entirely honest if I didn't feel called to do this for S I wouldn't be doing it still! We feel so strongly though that this is the right thing for him that that overides my selfish thoughts to jack it all in! As ever I'm not sure who is learning more! S is clearly learning academically but I feel like I myself have been on a huge journey particularly through this term of what my role here is and how much I need to learn. More on that later.
So, this term...
Following my op and recovery I am back to good health. S has mixed feelings about this as he knew that that also meant back to more formal home schooling than before. Having said that we have never really returned to quite as formal learning as we did pre op. The jury is still out on whether or not this is a good thing! Rather than describe everything I'll give an overview of our term. Academically we have worked through a stack of work. This term S has almost completed the entire "Year 5" math's workbook! S is naturally quite good with maths. The work is getting harder and so I need to be on the ball and a step ahead of him. He is beginning to see the real practicalities of what we are doing in maths which is good. I wish I'd understood that as early as him! Maths and English are the 2 subjects we try to do daily. I have laid off the pressure of spelling and writing this term as S finds both very stressful. We have continued to read and to work our way through a literacy workbook which in turn I am noticing his spelling begin to pick up and likewise when he makes the effort the little writing he has done has improved. English is going to be a tricky area and with S's various language difficulties I constantly worry that I am not doing things right with him. His memory difficulties really do not help with either maths or english as I can feel that I've taught a concept, mastered it and we can move on and then when we revisit it another time it can be as if we've never done it at all!
S is really enjoying being read to. We have read through a lot of books together and he managed to read a whole book to me without paired reading which was fantastic. He tires quickly and I have become so aware of this this term. My sister (an English teacher) pointed out his tiredness and the mistakes that came with the tiredness so I'm taking the foot off the gas a bit and reading to him when he's done a bit. I still love it when he giggles his way through a story. To make a book come alive is such a treat - particularly when I know it is such a struggle for him to understand what we are reading.
Lego has become a big part of our week. Through Lego "Build to Express" and other Lego Education we now have specific tasks to build and discuss together, then film and share with our home school friends over "Edmodo" - an educational social networking site. S loves this! It combines technology with lego - 2 of his favourite things. It can easily go off task so I need to stick with him but can see huge potential here!
Other than that we have done lots more! We looked at food & nutrition and plants & life cycles in topic work and with his speech therapist he has studied China which he loved! We have also introduced "Inductive Bible Study" to our week. I think in truth I am more excited about this than S but have been so impressed at the material and the way that S can understand the Bible with really very little effort! The material we use has covered pronouns, context, questionning and all sorts of grammar concepts alongside real challenges of the big questions of life.
Socially things have not been great! S would quite happily live in the house all day every day and not leave! As a family he is happy to go out but more and more he did begin to withdraw even from his siblings which was a concern. Thankfully this has improved over the past couple of weeks and I actually need to remember how tired he gets. The social isolation I find the hardest thing to deal with in home education. It has highlighted to me how different S and I are in our characters. Whilst I do need time to switch off and to be on my own I thrive by being busy and being with people. S thrives by being on his own! Not so compatible!! I think this term I have tended to overcompensate my need to be busy and be with people and have gone into overdrive which is not ideal either! The more the term has gone on the more I've been aware that the issues are more with me than with S! He's content, happy, secure and learning! What more could I want? He's beginning to want to learn how to deal with things he finds hard and is beginning to verbalise things that he finds difficult. We are beginning to be able to pre-empt frustrations and try to deal with them ahead of the reality. That is great! I need though to be a diligent teacher and mum and settle! I think ultimately though being with my children 24/7 is taking a toll and we haven't yet struck the correct balance of time out for me! I feel really quite guilty if I am not with family or being "productive" and doing some sort of task! I think both of us would benefit so much more if we could work out some way of having a semi regular time out from each other and then appreciate each other so much more. But, the reality is we live in a busy house, with busy lives, with an awful lot going on just now! My husband is very busy and I don't actually feel I want to pile any more onto him as I couldn't ask for a more supportive, loving husband! Everybody lives busy lives these days and the daily juggle of all that goes on is true for everyone - so I feel that my aim has to be to pray that this calling me become more second nature and to be more peaceful! In our own family life just now there are additional stresses going on and I am aware how much they are affecting me and when you are home educating a child it is very hard for that not to affect what goes on there. I am constantly helped by my home ed friends, who do things very differently from me and who are great at keeping me on track and helping me not to be beating myself with a stick about what I'm not doing and instead seeing what we are doing together. With a mix of kids at school though and kids at home it is very easy to worry that you are short changing your child!
So that's our term. I hope I'm not overstepping the blogging purpose here but i want to be honest. For others starting the journey on home schooling I think it is important to see the highs and the lows. This term has been a struggle but life is a journey and we will move on! Next term S has asked to learn how a computer is built and made. When I told him I have no ideas he said, "Well mum, we can learn together!" Surely that is a response I could only have dreamt of this time last year! So, the books are ordered and have arrived and we're going to learn together and actually I'm quite excited! With the possible coming of spring/summer and the sunshine I'm optimistic and looking forward to another term!
Thanks for sticking with me. It's been a big encouragement to have folks asking after the blog and to know that our Christian friends are praying for us means so much that a mere thank you does not come close to! I promise I will try to be more regular at blog updates!
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